I recently got a response from an eAcrimony match that read something like "Sorry I didn't really answer your questions, I guess I'm just sick of all these prefab eHarmony questions."
"Not a problem" I responded. I was lying, of course. Seriously, those were underhand pitches compared to some of the questions I've asked. Why do I ask hard questions you may query? Because when I get matched up with party girls or girls who I just don't seem to click with, I send hard questions to shoo them away. I send these kind of questions, or pick random prefab questions, because I can't ask the questions I really want to ask. Here is a random sampling of the questions I really want to ask, but tact prevents me from sending.
* Why aren't you more interesting?
* What possessed you to type your entire profile in CAPITAL LETTERS, LIKE YOU'RE SHOUTING, "THE LAST BOOK I READ WAS HARRY POTTER."
* Why don't you have an upper lip?
* We all make spelling mistakes, but how did you manage to misspell "Texas" in addition to a third of your profile? I mean seriously, did you not think it a good idea to proofread?
* Do you honestly think that anyone will respond to you if you don't post any pictures? It's been three weeks, girl. Find a friend with a camera phone.
* Why on earth would you post pictures of you with your friends when your friends are all better looking than you? It makes me want to get to know you just so I can meet your friends.
* Why would you post pictures of you at some resort or national park where the location comprises 98% of the picture and you are the speck in the middle? I want to see what you look like. If I wanted to see the Grand Canyon, I'd go buy a postcard.
* Why are all your answers and open communication completely incongruent with what you have in your introductory profile? Those are supposed to represent who you are, not what you want others to think you are like.
* Why would you answer the question "Why did you join eHarmony" with "because my friends made me"? If you're not looking for a lasting relationship, you are seriously wasting everybody's time.
And, the one I've wanted to ask most often,
* Would you be really offended if I truthfully answered why I closed the match? I mean, would "because I find you unbelievably boring and/or unattractive" be such a bad answer? Wouldn't you appreciate the truth?
As you can tell, I'm feeling pretty cynical right now.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
The questions I really want to ask.
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3 comments:
"did you not think it a good idea to proofread?"
"where the location comprises 98% or the picture"
I couldn't resist.
The picture with beautiful friends question cracks me up. The next question though I could probably answer. If I were to put up a picture and had one that also spoke about the things I love such as the outdoors, then I would be tempted to post that one. Of course because I am so damn good looking I would try to find one where I wasn's a speck.
Upper lip? Have you had a few matches missing upper lips? Could you imagine kissing that. Blech!
You've lost me Willie. The first sentence has no misspellings or grammatical errors. Same for the second, except where you wrote it, it has "or" instead of "of." What I wrote is fine, go check it out.
And yeah, you can have the love of nature thing, but I've had matches where I had no idea what they looked like, but I could see where they've been.
And the hot chick thing; I'm typing to a girl right now with that situation. I'm going to close it though - she isn't bad looking, but ALL of her pictures have friends that are HOT. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. (She's also kind of negative.)
If she is negative, then ditch her soon. That is no fun to have around.
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