How To Tell The Paparazzi To Fuck Off

I am fortunate (or unfortunate) not to have this problem, though I doubt that any supermarket rag would really want a picture of me strutting around naked drinking a luke warm PBR.


How to Tell the Paparazzi to Fuck Off:

1. Make a very small, crude sign that reads "Fuck Off."
2. Flip them the bird (have your lilliputian wife do the same).
3. Create a sense of spacial dysphoria by positioning yourself a good 7 feet away from your wife, and in front of a background made up almost entirely of vertical lines.
4. If possible, grow a bushy beard, and have your wife wear a child's bathing suit.
5. Wear matching scowls and oversized sunglasses.



Most celebrities will only attempt one or two of these suggestions. But on a recent vacation, Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams managed to do all five at once. The end result? He looks like a hulking, sunbathing version of the Unabomber, she looks like a petulant 7 year-old, and no one is coming within 20 feet of either of them.

This photo is so strangely compelling. It's like they created their own optical illusion. I keep crossing my eyes and staring at the center, waiting for an airplane, or a creepy clown face to appear in 3-D.

I came across this post on the A.V. Club from the Onion by Amelie Gillette. The part about the child's bathing suit slayed me.