Over on the TierneyLab blog from The New York Times, John Tierney tries out an experiment with his wife where they both register on eHarmony and wait to see if their online profiles match them up:
After we filled out the questions, we each were given a personality profile. It was pretty general — and tactfully written so that it emphasized the good aspects of each trait — but it seemed reasonably accurate to each of us. There were five general categories. We got identical ratings for extraversion and emotional stability. We got pretty similar ratings for conscientiousness (I was “flexible”; Dana was “very flexible”) and openness (I was “curious”; she was “very curious”). Our biggest difference was in the category of agreeableness: Dana was rated as consistently taking care of others, while I was consistently taking care of myself. EHarmony tried to put the best spin on my selfishness by explaining: “You believe that compassion has a role to play in your life, in a structure of values that encourages people to take care of themselves. Uncritical tenderheartedness does as much harm as good. . . . Fostering such independence is the best way you find there is to love and care for others.”My wife regularly asks me why I love her, and I often struggle to find the ways to verbally express what it is that I feel. It's a feeling that's almost so a part of me, it's difficult to confine to words. Maybe it isn't that easy to tangibly describe human connections like this. In the end, I guess even fancy computer algorithms can't figure out the essence of love and chemistry.
Then, presto, eHarmony started providing matches. Dana got more — understandably! — but even selfish me got several dozen over the course of the next week. Unlike some of the Lab readers who complained about the abundance of devout Christians on eHarmony, we weren’t overwhelmed with evangelical partners. There were, though, many people passionately devoted to walks on the beach.
We got a lot of matches in the New York area, and some farflung ones, too, but not the match that we wanted. Even though we’d said we wanted nearby matches and had entered the same ZIP code, eHarmony didn’t match us. Does this mean that there’s something wrong with eHarmony, or with our marriage?
2 comments:
Comptuer algorithms also can't figure out why anybody has ever been attracted to someone who would say they like walks on the beach. Hearing stuff like that makes me want to hurl - no wonder FC gave it up for now.
I flip flop on going back. I got a lot of dates, but the vast majority sucked. And the one girl I really felt I connected with went and joined the peace corp.
I guy I work with made a really good point. He said, "it all starts with physical attraction." E-Harmony doesn't do anything about that. In fact, many people choose to hide their pictures. When you finally see it, you're stuck because everything between you was great until you saw that she has a face that would scare buzzards off a carcass. Now you look like a shallow ass for ending the budding romance because of her looks. But, I'd rather look like a shmuck than date a girl who looks like something from The Hills Have Eyes.
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