I thought that this interweb thingy would make it easier...

So, a year and a half after the ex-Mrs. Scootypuff decided to have an ex-friend scooty her puff, the intrepid Scootypuff jr. decides to start looking for a new and hopefully permanent Mrs. Scootypuff.

Now, when Scootypuff jr. was more junior - early 20's - Scootypuff jr. would go in search of a Mrs. Scootypuff in bars and clubs. This never really worked out, because they soon found out that while they loved going to bars and clubs, Scootypuff jr. would rather stay at home and watch Discovery Channel. Once Scootypuff jr. admitted to himself that he was a colossal and lifelong nerd, he stopped looking for love in all the wrong places. Now that Scootypuff jr. is again looking for another Mrs. Scootypuff (the real Mrs. Scootypuff, not a practice run), and now that he knows that he is in fact and will always be a nerd, Scootypuff has decided to search on-line.

Now Scootypuff likes the Yahoo! Personals because Scootypuff can eliminate the uglies right off the bat. This leaves a pretty picture and not much else, as most other information is superficial. One big exception are the girls who want their man to make over $150k a year. Scootypuff doesn't make that kind of scratch, and if he did, Scootypuff wouldn't want a woman for whom that was a priority. So, Scootypuff appreciates their honesty.

For a long time however, Scootypuff has seen commercials for eHarmony.com, and figured this would be his salvation. This way, Scootypuff find girls with whom he has a lot in common. The problem is, too many don't include their photograph, and Scootypuff can't filter them out. Others wait until further in the process to reveal their photograph, which makes Scootypuff nervous. Why not post a picture? The only reasons Scootypuff can think of are:

1. They look like they've been hit in the face with a bag full of nickels.
2. They are hot, but "want a man to love them for who they really are," although if that man were broke, bald, and fat, they wouldn't give him the time of day.
3. They are hot but have poor self esteem.
4. They are wanted by Interpol and/or the FBI, and can't risk showing their face on the internet.

None of the above bode well for them becoming the future Mrs. Scootypuff.

So, Scootypuff jr. spends most of his time on eHarmony closing matches, which is basically rejecting people. eHarmony requires one to give a reason for the close, although the generic "I'd rather not say" exists. This however sounds too cruel to Scootypuff jr., as it could leave one panicky about "what is wrong with them." (Luckily Scootypuff jr. doesn't think this way anymore.) The ones who don't post pictures are an easy close, as that is a pretty good reason that says nothing bad about the closed match. It's the ugly ones who post pictures that give Scootypuff jr. the hardest time, as there is no "because you have a face that could scare buzzards off a carcass" check box on the closing screen, and if there were, Scootypuff jr. couldn't check it.

Even more disconcerting are the ones who never respond to Scootypuff jr's communications. If you don't dig Scootypuff, then close Scootypuff. Don't just ignore Scootypuff until Scootypuff closes you. This type of behavior of course just reinforces that she couldn't have been the future Mrs. Scootypuff. Scootypuff needs a stronger woman than that.

So, Scootypuff jr. will just keep looking, and hoping that the hottie from Cali will get back to him. This is vacation season. He also hopes that this girlie from Del Rio isn't as ugly as her job description would lend one to believe. Honestly, when have you ever seen a hot park ranger?

Scootypuff jr. likes the word Scootypuff, and referring to himself in the third person.