Whoa! Talk about serious vertigo...

Last week, I TiVo'd a three part series on the Discovery Channel called 2057, a special looking into what technology might look like in 50 years, and how it will integrate into every part of our daily lives. I've only gotten through the first episode dealing with the body, but I've got to say it's really cool (or quite scary if you're paranoid about Big Brother). Sensors built into everything from your clothing to even your toilet to monitor your health. Actual printers (yes, printers) that can essentially print you a new organ. Flying ambulances that pick you up in an emergency equipped with the ability to pull out all your blood and replace it with supercooled fluid to basically put you in suspended animation until you can be treated in the hospital.

The rest of the series deals with city life and the world--how we communicate, how we travel, etc. I'm actually looking forward to what they say about space elevators, because the idea of basically a ribbon of cable tethered to the ground and extending all the way into space seems so bizarre. This will make those romantic trips up some mountain in the Rockies down right tame. Just don't forget anything on the space station before you go back down.

I am how old, again? And are you an expert?

This last week I had the opportunity to open up my wallet and in return find out how old I am. I went through some physical tests that showed my true body age to be 34. Not too bad but it would be nicer if my body age was my actual chronological age. But then I was also told that I could achieve a body age of 22 by doing various things relating to my health. I can improve my weight, eating habits, and flexibility to name a few.

The tests measured all sorts of things, but was designed around telling you how many toxins you have in your body based on your excess water weight. It was all very convincing and scientific sounding. The quick rundown is that your body uses your liver to rid itself of toxins, but when the liver gets overworked it sends the toxins back into your body to be removed later. The toxins get stored around fat cells which then get surrounded by water to protect your body from the stored toxins. Essentially, those fat cells surrounded by water are there to stay until your liver can get back to normal functioning. This becomes weight that you cannot get rid of unless you rid yourself of the toxins in the liver. This is why you see the push for detox diets, foods, supplements, etc. in health stores today. I am inclined through my logic and scientific thinking that this is mostly believable.

We get these toxins from the air, food, water, medicines, stress, and skin. I can believe all of them, but the last one - skin - I at least have to question. I was told by the fitness "expert" that we absorb toxins through our skin. We get it from shampoo, lotions, sunblock, soap, etc. I can believe this, but I still have to raise the question, how much can our skin really absorb? Her take was that if you can sweat out toxins, then the other has to be true that you can absorb them?

I am not here to say that our skin cannot absorb stuff, but my fear is that so many people out there hear something like this and immediately believe it. If you think about how many personal trainers and fitness experts there are, it can be kind of scary to think how much misinformation they could spread. I cannot contract viruses through my skin can I? Can I absorb water through my skin? I could go on and on asking these sorts of questions.

I guess though that ultimately she was doing what she has been trained by the world to do - sell you the fear so she can sell you the product ... for only $308. I am glad I am not a sucker. Now let me get back to my detox green tea and my organic cereal and milk.

Have you guys ever seen this?

When you have nothing to lose, why not?

A true master having some fun...

I don't know if you all had a chance to see The Departed yet, but this little tidbit will make me go see it again for completely different reasons then the fact that it was the best movie of 2006.

First, I had no idea that Brian De Palma's Scarface starring Al Pacino was actually an updated remake of a film by the same name from the 1930's directed by Howard Hughes. As you can guess by Martin Scorcese's previous movie The Aviator, he's pretty intrigued by Howard Hughes, so much so that he incorporated X's throughout The Departed in homage to the original Scarface.

Read more here to find out more about the X's and to see more examples.

Frackity, frack, frack, frack!

I just had to comment about what a surprise last Sunday's episode of Battlestar Galactica was. I had actually gotten pretty tired of the whole Dee/Lee/Starbuck/Anders love rectangle storyline, and was not looking forward to this show as much as I typically do after seeing the previews. Then I saw "Directed by Edward James Olmos" during the opening credits, and thought, "Hmmm. This might actually be good."

The intercuts between Baltar's mental torture and Apollo battling his own inner conflict seemed to really work in a way that I wasn't expecting. About the only thing I didn't like about the show was all the "Frack, frack, frack" being yelled out. Not that I'm opposed to a little cussing, but sometimes I hear "frack" and kind of feel like a total science fiction nerd.

I don't know if any of you ever listen to Ronald D. Moore's podcast commentaries about each episode, but I usually download it to my iPod every week and listen to it on my way to and from work. Apparently, "Taking a Break From All Your Worries" was supposed to focus more on the bar and be kind of a light, comedic episode, as suggested by the title's reference to Cheers. Considering how dark this episode turned out, that's a huge shock.

I don't know why I, like, watch this show, but like, I do...

Normally, I secretly find some amusement in my wife's so-called chick shows. I don't object to watching Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, or even a few episodes from her complete Sex and the City DVD collection. But I thought I might have to draw the line at her most recent guilty pleasure, MTV's The Hills, a reality show following the trials and tribulations of Lauren Conrad and her friends as they struggle to "make it" in the real world environment of Teen Vogue and the Los Angeles social scene. Actually, "real world" is probably stretching things a bit, but I guess this is the harsh reality of life for some people--driving around in fancy cars, eating at fancy restauraunts, shopping at fancy stores, scmoozing at fancy clubs, living in fancy beach houses for the summer, and all the while struggling to understand why the world is so cruel because your boyfriend just doesn't, like, get you.

I sat next to her while she watched the season premiere thinking I'd be bored out of my mind. Then I laughed. And kept laughing. I'm not sure it's really good of me to be making fun of those with IQ's that border on mental retardation, but I swear this show fulfills every known stereotype you ever heard about blonde women. Then again, it could all be a hoax, and their IQ's are probably somewhere in the genius range, for all I know. Perhaps the best part of the show isn't the women at all, but the men they hook up with, and the things these guys get away with. They use some of the cheesiest pick up lines ever known, AND THEY WORK! I guess that's what the power of money can do.

Actually, I think this show should be required viewing for all teenage boys and girls on how not to be when they become young adults. Or perhaps I'm just jealous that lines like [using best So-Cal surfer dude accent], "There's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be than with you, right here, right now, drinking the best margaritas at this table at my most favorite Mexican restaurant in the universe," don't seem to get my woman all hot and bothered.

Uh, I go there for the cappucinos. Honest. That's all...

Most of you know that I like my espresso. It's become a staple of my diet alongside bread and water, and I probably visit a cafe or coffee bar at least three times a week. At peak times during the morning, this can be a somewhat hectic ordeal, but having a pretty and flirty barista (or handsome and charming one, for the lady readers) to take your order can sometimes partially salvage what was going to be a really lousy experience.

Admitting that, I guess it's no surprise that in the cutthroat coffee competition that exists in Seattle, a few coffee shops would recognize this, turn it up a notch, and use a little sex appeal to sell a cup o' joe:

Hot is not the half of it. To stand apart from the hordes of drive-through espresso stands that clutter the Northwest's roadsides, commuter coffee stops such as Tukwila's Cowgirls Espresso are adding bodacious baristas, flirty service and ever more-revealing outfits to the menu.

At Port Orchard's Natté Latté, baristas sport hot-pink hot pants and tight white tank tops. Day-of-the-week theme outfits ranging from racy lingerie to "fetish" ensembles are the dress code at Moka Girls Espresso in Auburn and at several Cowgirls Espresso stands in the area. Bikini tops are the special at Café Lorraine on Highway 9 in Woodinville, and the women of The Sweet Spot in Shoreline pose provocatively in Playmate-style profiles on the stand's Web site.

I'm just wondering if the coffee is actually any good.

Hmmm, Let Me Get Out My Grading Key

Some of you may be happy to hear that I turned my eHarmony account back on and have been doing the do. So far (just a few days) it's like it used to be; I get a bunch of possibles, many of them so ugly that they could scare buzzards off a carcass. But lo and behold, this time I've gotten some good cards in the form of some cuties that aren't Scientologists or some other brand of mental illness. In fact, out of the top four likely candidates for the position of future Mrs. Scootypuff jr., there are three lawyers and a doctor. Score!

Now, as I mentioned so many moons ago, the process of eHarmony is you read a bio and hopefully see a picture. If the bio doesn't contain phrases such as "I blame the Jews" or the picture doesn't look like someone's snapshots from a day at the zoo, I send them five multiple choice questions and wait for a response. My battery of questions are:

1. Which of the following marriage issues do you fear most?

A) fear of growing apart
B) fear of marrying the wrong person
C) fear of becoming "your parents"
D) fear of being hurt

2. What best describes your parents' relationship towards each other:

A) married and loving
B) married but distant
C) divorced and civil
D) divorced and abusive

3. On Saturday night, would you rather go to:

A) ballet/theater/symphony
B) a professional sporting event
C) a popular new movie
D) the latest dance club
E) any of the above except for b

4. What style of dress do you prefer?

A) I like to get dressed up
B) I like to dress casual
C) I dress for the occasion
D) I wear whatever is clean

5. Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when involved in a relationship?

A) Sure, I love to hold hands, hug and give casual kisses.
B) I'm moderately affectionate. I like to hold hands and exchange hugs.
C) I do like a small amount of physical affection.
D) I don't consider myself a very physically affectionate person.

Now the correct answers - meaning the ones I most want to hear - are as follows:

1. Which of the following marriage issues do you fear most?

A) fear of growing apart
B) fear of marrying the wrong person
C) fear of becoming "your parents"
D) fear of being hurt

Why B you might ask? Because that's the mistake I made. I can accept C, although I don't really understand it. For anyone who answers A, they obviously don't understand that is something that people have complete control over if they married well. Anyone answering D gets closed. Go back to your Tiger Beat magazine, girly. I have no time for you.

2. What best describes your parents' relationship towards each other:

A) married and loving
B) married but distant
C) divorced and civil
D) divorced and abusive

The answer I hope to receive is of course A, though only D gives me pause.

3. On Saturday night, would you rather go to:

A) ballet/theater/symphony
B) a professional sporting event
C) a popular new movie
D) the latest dance club

I get B way too often. This isn’t a deal breaker, but it makes me knit my brow. Of the four choices presented, C is the best response, but with all questions one can write in an answer. This becomes important later in my report.

4. What style of dress do you prefer?

A) I like to get dressed up
B) I like to dress casual
C) I dress for the occasion
D) I wear whatever is clean

The only correct answer here is C. I make gas face at women who have to get all dolled up just to go out and get the mail, just as I do with women who wear sweat pants everywhere they go.

5. Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when involved in a relationship?

A) Sure, I love to hold hands, hug and give casual kisses.
B) I'm moderately affectionate. I like to hold hands and exchange hugs.
C) I do like a small amount of physical affection.
D) I don't consider myself a very physically affectionate person.

Again, the only correct answer here is A. Love me, rub me, kiss me, tickle me, and I’ll do the same to you. We won’t be making out at funerals, but if you flip out because we’re holding hands in public, I have no time for you.

So, having developed a well defined answer key, I was happy to receive this response from the cutest of the cute that I am currently e-wooing.

1. Which of the following marriage issues do you fear most?
B) fear of marrying the wrong person

2. What best describes your parents' relationship towards each other:
B) married but distant

3. On Saturday night, would you rather go to:
E) any of the above except for b

4. What style of dress do you prefer?
C) I dress for the occasion

5. Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when involved in a relationship?
A) Sure, I love to hold hands, hug and give casual kisses.

SCORE! Four out of five, and the one "wrong" answer was the least important. And even though I identified C) a popular new movie as the correct answer for question 3, the real answer is to write-in E) any of the above except for b. Holy cats! She answered the trick question correctly! Scootypuff jr. is pleased. Yes, very pleased indeed.

Watch this space for further updates.

Smokin' Aces

Tellulah and I went to see the film Smokin' Aces last night. It is violent, drug filled, obscenity laced, over the top, and one of the few films I've walked out of the theater thinking 'God, I wish I had written that.' Granted, with the choices of seeing any of the Oscar nominated films out there I haven't yet seen like Dream Girls, or The Queen, I chose instead a film filled with muzzle flashes says something about my character. But this film is on par with Pulp Fiction and Goodfellas in everyway. The soundtrack is great (already bought it and put it on my IPod) and Jeremy Pivens turns in the role of his career. He is incredible as the burnt out coked up hooker addicted magician mob crime boss turned states evidence. Ben Affleck, who I like but am not by any means crazy about, also turns in a strong, albiet short, performance. Alicia Keys is showing the career she will have to come, and it will be a good one. And Ryan Reynolds (who I've liked since the 'Two Guys A Girl And A Pizza Place' days) and Ray Liotta (who is one of my favorite actors) have great chemistry as two FBI Agent partners. My only complaint is that no trailer I've seen, or commercial on TV, has conveyed the depth, complexity, and nuances of the film. It has all of that and the three chainsaw weilding, red neck hit men called the Tremor Brothers, who as characters are so over the top, so violent, so larger then life, they are almost cartoony... And God I wish I had written them, too.

Bumper cars in the Middle East...

This is apparently a video of a typical day for American soldiers driving through the streets of Iraq in a Humvee. Sort of humorous, at first, but not so funny when you stop to think why they're in such a rush to get through the traffic.

I'm not trying to make you think back to those bad videos we had to watch in science class...

I still have flashbacks of having to draw all these things out for biology exams. Too bad I didn't have cool animations like this to study with:

All I need is a good woman with a big club..

I read this and wondered if my own wife would have stuck around to fend off a mountain lion. Then again, I'm a cheetah, and a really cool cat--I should be able to protect myself. An excerpt from the story:

Although the Hamms are experienced hikers, neither had seen a mountain lion before Jim Hamm was mauled, his wife said. Nell Hamm said she grabbed a four-inch-wide log and beat the animal with it, but it would not release its hold on her husband's head.
"Jim was talking to me all through this, and he said, 'I've got a pen in my pocket and get the pen and jab him in the eye,'" she said. "So I got the pen and tried to put it in his eye, but it didn't want to go in as easy as I thought it would." When the pen bent and became useless, Nell Hamm went back to using the log. The lion eventually let go and, with blood on its snout, stood staring at the woman. She screamed and waved the log until the animal walked away.

Ode to a Flaming Anus

Let's see...

Jalapenos stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped with bacon one night,
Hotwings and beer the next night,
And now I'm catching the jalapenos from my sub sandwich and stuffing them back in.
(Heaven forbid I deny myself any of Nature's Napalm.)

I must unconciously hate my own rectum.

I guess now I'll sit here as I must,
And wait for my butthole to spontaneously combust.

Maybe all those creepy guys wearing polyester suits in the 70's were on to something...

I think the majority of people are convinced that global warming is real. Even the President is promoting an increase in our use of alternative fuels. Although this is being touted as more of a national security issue to absolve our dependence on foreign oil, I'm beginning to think that even the most conservative of Republicans are seeing the weird fluctuations in the weather this winter, and wondering if perhaps this isn't just a natural cycle of the Earth.

An international committee of world science experts are planning to release an official statement next month saying that global warming may be even more catastrophic than previously estimated. As noted in the story, one UK expert says:

The really chilling thing about the IPCC report is that it is the work of several thousand climate experts who have widely differing views about how greenhouse gases will have their effect. Some think they will have a major impact, others a lesser role. Each paragraph of this report was therefore argued over and scrutinised intensely. Only points that were considered indisputable survived this process. This is a very conservative document - that's what makes it so scary.

So what is a country to do? Well, the current American strategy seems to be a promotion of alternative fuels. However, so far, this doesn't seem to be making much of a dent. Some believe that we should be taking an approach that hits everyone where it hurts to make them really understand the impact our stratospheric production of carbon emissions is making on the environment--a carbon tax. Considering the way that the recent jump in gasoline prices seemed to convince everyone over the past couple of years to drive a little less, I think this may make some sense. After all, the crash of GM and Ford in large part due to the lessening demand for SUVs and pickups, is probably more in part to the high price of gas rather than any actual concern about the environment.

Apparently, most of the rest of the industrialized world is doing their part to reduce carbon emissions. In fact, Sweden is apparently one of the world leaders in environmentally friendly industry practices. What strikes me as odd, though, is that this is the country that has brought us megastores like Ikea and H&M, a furniture store and clothing store, respectively, that pride themselves on providing consumers with cheap disposable products that allow you to just buy new things at low prices as trends change with time. How that jives with the environment, I'll never understand.

So what are we to do? If you believe this story from The New York Times, perhaps we should be wearing more polyester. The energy expenditures for a cotton shirt over its lifetime, when you include the electricity needed to wash and dry it, are much higher when you compare it to an equivalent polyester one. Who knew we could be reducing carbon emissions with just a simple change in our clothing material? Now I won't be sweating it out in polyester any time soon, but it does make you think.

Start petitioning now?

A few weeks ago, I read a rumor that Battlestar Galactica wasn't going to get renewed for a fourth season. Someone later posted that this wasn't true, but considering the low ratings it got in its new time slot on Sunday nights, I'm beginning to worry. Even Stargate SG-1 got a higher viewer share. Granted, I've never really watched that show with MacGyver running through interdimensional gateways, but I always got the impression that it sucked.

Hopefully, BSG can turn it around, and survive until the story is complete instead of having to resort to a fan-fueled outcry that finally brought Family Guy back to life. Speaking of which, I really underappreciated Family Guy, and am only now starting to watch it. I think it may even be better than The Simpsons, the new episodes anyway. Even the wife has gotten hooked on the exploits of Brian and Stewie. Sadly, I still cannot convince her to watch BSG. She'll watch cartoons, but not a live-action drama with Oscar-nominated actors and plotlines that speak to her Democrat ideals. Go figure.

How to look like a genius...

I wanted to test out this strategy to solve a Rubik's cube, but I don't know where my old one is.

The end of the Empire...

I didn't watch The State of the Union Address last night, but have read excerpts and summaries here and there on various news websites. Whatever Bush's intelligence is, it really perplexes me as to how the political discourse has become so volatile when the U.S. so needs to find some common ground to rally around. I don't know if this is just a reaction to getting news 24/7 from television and the Internet, or me getting older and paying more attention to what's going on. Regardless, I get the feeling that the State of our Union is really in some dire straits.

I don't know what to think about 20,000 extra troops going into Iraq. I want to feel like it would make a difference, like the U.S. can accomplish what it set out to do in the first place. But it's hard to argue when over half of our political leaders think it can't be done. And who can blame them? The Iraqi governement doesn't even seem to care anymore.

NPR aired a story yesterday about how foreign opinion about the United States is continuing to deteriorate. It seems only a few countries in Africa such as Nigeria and Kenya have any positive thoughts about America.

Anywho, my random thoughts for the day. I'll end with this. Wander wrote a post about Randy Newman, so I thought this op-ed piece in The New York Times by the perennial Oscar-nominated composer would be worth a read. Unfortunately, it seemed to ring too true, and made me quite sad:

The end of an empire is messy at best
And this empire is ending
Like all the rest
Like the Spanish Armada adrift on the sea
We’re adrift in the land of the brave
And the home of the free
Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Cheer up. At least you can say you're smarter than the President. Oh, you already knew that...

Well, looks like George W. Bush isn't a retard, but he isn't that bright either, if you believe these estimations of Presidential IQ.

Keep in mind, though, that Jimmy Carter was the only one on the list who actually had his IQ formally tested and revealed to the public. I'm also a bit skeptical about the validity of this test, considering it was conducted in Scranton, PA. Heck, for all I know, Dwight Schrute was in charge of this.

If man was supposed to fly, we'd be born with wings...

As you all probably know, I hate flying. The long waits at the security checkpoint, the cramped seats in coach, the stale air--these are just some of the small nuisances involved in traveling by air these days. But what really bothers me about flying is the fact that I'm scared sh*tless everytime I'm in an airplane. Maybe it's my fear of heights, the roller coaster ride through bad turbulence, or the thought that the wings could just snap off in mid flight. I mean, if you've ever sat and watched the wings out the window as you fly, has anyone else noticed how much those things seem to bounce up and down? Frightening.

Then I watched a wing load test online done on the Boeing 777. I feel a little better now, although something seems flawed in the way they test wings like this. Seems like you'd need less force if you're making the wing flap up and down as it does in real flight and turbulence as opposed to just one force pulling up on it gradually. I know this isn't exactly civil engineering, but seems there should be some similar principle used in bridge making or something. Any of the engineers out there reading know?

There are aliens among us, and I think they reside in Hollywood...

I saw this picture of Gwen Stefani on some celebrity blog, and thought her choice in eyewear looked oddly familiar.

Then it hit me:


Remember V, that old sci-fi television show from the 80's? Hide your pet mice and parakeets.