Chester Cheetah--the passive aggressive master...

Did anyone catch these Cheetos commercials in the winter/spring? Apparently, I missed them and only found out about them while perusing Google today to find some new Chester Cheetah pictures.

More evidence that Chester Cheetah is AWESOME!

For the love of Kool-Aid, update the sidebar!

There is still a reference to me as Scootypuff jr. (A name I miss, but my reasons for changing it are still valid) It is as stale as a Cheeto that fell through the couch cushions and past the pull out bed to the the floor, with the dust bunnies and the toe nail clippings.

UPDATE IT OR PUT IT OUT OF ITS MISERY.

Seriously, I think half of it is older than most of our children.

I'm stuck in training today for something I literally will never use. Dear god I'm bored.

How did I ever make it through high school?

And when I come to the blog to salve my ennui, what do I find? References to The Departed and The Prestige! Those movies came out more than a year ago. YOU LAZY CUR! I should make the four hour drive to come up there and horsewhip you!

I can't imagine what that phone is doing when it rings in my pocket...

Despite the fact that even the American Cancer Society has deemed conventional cellphone use as extremely low risk, it's never quite reassuring when three prominent neurosurgeons go on Larry King Live and admit they never hold their cellphones to their ears. Then you might watch this video, and get really freaked out. Granted, it's probably some clever fake, but still, aren't you just a wee bit more reluctant to put that phone up to your ear?

Maybe I should actually spend my lunch hour eating lunch...

I feel like a bit of nerd--I'm spending my lunch hour following the live updates of the Wordwide Developer Conference keynote address being given by Steve Jobs right now in hopes of finding out exactly what the new iPhone is going to look like.

Anywho, in other more entertaining news, check out the new TV trailer for The Incredible Hulk. YouTube disabled the embed function, so you'll have to go directly over to their site to watch it. If you liked Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, let's just say you'll love this trailer.

I just might link this up in my sidebar...

I've been really digging this new photo blog from The Boston Globe website which basically compiles a bunch of nice photographs about a particular current event or obscure news story for the day. Some of the shots of Saturn and its moons by the Cassini Space Probe or a rare picture of uncontacted Amazon tribes in Brazil were some of the coolest things things of late. A couple of examples are below:

The power of Oprah...

With the convenience of Tivo, Lemon will usually record a bunch of episodes of Oprah, and watch them all at once. This means that I will sometimes join her on the couch and endure the ordeal that is the female bonding experience all because I'm so addicted to TV. A while back, I caught this particular show with some of the stills posted below. Take a guess as to what the show was about based on the stills below.






Nope. She didn't just announce some new Angel Network or the start of a new school in Africa. This is what the entire audience looked like when she announced the show was her summer season "Oprah's Favorite Things" episode. If you haven't ever watched one of these, it's where Oprah basically pulls out what she'll be using for the upcoming season, whether it be a $10 pair of flip flops, the latest new iPod, or a designer pair of sunglasses.

Granted, she usually gives away a bunch of things for the audience to take home, but still, the above reactions were even before she showed any of her things and told them they'd be going home free stuff. I guess this is what happens when you have a history of giving an entire audience a brand new car.

For Lemon: THANK GOD I'M WHITE!

So I'm zipping along to work this morning and the po-po comes up behind me and hits the rollers. "Gah!" I think, "it's finally catching up to me." He asks me if I knew why he stopped me, I said "no," and he says it was because I crossed two lanes without signaling (does that count as a New Jersey slide?)

Thank Crom he didn't have his radar gun on me! I was sure he pulled me over for bumping along in the low 90s. But no, something not as severe I think, so there was a chance I'd not get a ticket. Lo and behold - a warning!

Now I asked the constable (seriously, he was a constable) why I was getting a warning, and not a ticket. He said, "because you're white, of course." Then he let me play with his mace (I sprayed some non-causcasians for a giggle), and after that we drove around in his cruiser while I got to turn on the siren whenever I wanted to. Well, almost - I was about to blast some little old lady when he stopped me. "Hold on there my Aryan brother, she's white." We pulled up beside her and doggonit, he was right. I thought she was Hispanic, but she just had a tan.

So then we toodled over to Little Dehli, and I got to write out a bunch of DWIs (Driving While Indian) to all the Indian soccer moms in Toyota Siennas. After that I went back to my car, and an escort of cruisers drove me to work.

And it's all true, up to the point where I wrote that he was a constable. But seriously though, I'm sure I got to skate because I'm white. Either that, or it was the fact that I haven't been pulled over for about seven years, and I haven't had a ticket for close to nine.

Sleeper hit of the summer?

Hopefully, Firecracker George didn't get his martial arts training from this tae kwon do master:

Geeks lose out again...

So I'm sitting outside the movie theater waiting for the midnight showing of Sex and the City. Obviously Lemon's choice, not mine.

Dozens of women dressed up in their party dresses and high heels for the occassion. Here is the double standard. For these women, it's fun and fabulous. Change this to a premiere of Star Wars or Star Trek, though, and dressing up for the movie becomes nerdy. But isn't what they're doing tonight dolled up in costume essentially the same as coming to the theater dressed up as a Jedi or a Klingon?

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Terminators and Cylons can't be far behind...

If Dean Kamen is ever mysteriously assassinated, I'll take that to mean time travel truly does exist. I'm still waiting for Segways to become the ubiquitous mode of transportation they were hyped up to be, but until then, Dean Kamen is doing wonders in the cybernetic realm of technology. I think I posted about the "Luke" arm before, but I thought some of the stuff he showed off at this D6 convention this week was super cool enough to post another video about it again:

It's like they're staring straight into my soul!

A definition of the uncanny valley from Wikipedia:

The uncanny valley is a hypothesis that when and other facsimiles of humans look and act almost, but not entirely, like actual humans, it causes a response of revulsion among human observers.

Or if you need it explained to you in Star Wars, here's a clip from 30 Rock about the subject:



Of course, this doesn't seem to be limited to the human species:

A Quick Thought

I caught a blurb on the news tonight about whether or not oil companies should be investing in more alternative energy. This is is the prevalent thought heard on the news lately. I have felt like the motivation behind such talk from the American public is one of punishment because of all the money they are making. I have to say to everyone out there ... be careful what you ask for. Isn't asking oil companies to invest in alternative energy (aka energy of the future) just going to shove even more money in their pockets in the future?

I am all about investing in alternative energy for the future, and I don't care who does it. Heck I don't care if oil companies get even more filthy rich if they do it, but then I don't care if they are filthy rich now. The media and some political candidates seem to think that getting filthy rich is wrong. If they want to punish the oil companies for making so much money, don't allow them to invest in alternative energy. You think companies like Exxon, BP, or Conoco Phillips think oil is going to last forever. They know its not. They are probably loving the fact that people are asking them to invest in something they were already thinking about anyway.

Nothing like a good 'ol contest of flatulence...

I'll bet the Cookie Monster dreams about days like this...

14 tons of Oreos spill on IL highway
ASSOCIATED PRESS
05/19/2008

MORRIS, Ill. -- Got milk?

Police say a trailer loaded with 14 tons of double-stuffed Oreos overturned Monday morning, spilling plastic sleeves of cookies into the median and roadway.

Illinois State Police Sergeant Brian Mahoney says the truck's driver was traveling from Chicago to Morris on I-80 around 4 a.m. Monday when he fell asleep at the wheel and slammed into the median.

Mahoney says the force of the crash ripped open boxes of the cookies, but their plastic wrappers kept them from covering the ground.

The crash about 50 miles southwest of Chicago remains under investigation.

Mahoney says no charges have been filed but both lanes of traffic remain closed while authorities remove the cookies.

Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated...

My apologies for the lack of Swany posts over the past week. I was out of town without any access to convenient free wi-fi, and no time to post anyway. Part of my week was spent driving through the state of New York, passing oh so close to Rochester. I'm still hitting myself for not making a detour in search of the infamous Nick Tahoe's Garbage Plate that Scratch is so fond of. Instead, I think I overdosed on Tim Horton's coffee and Maple donuts, and had a few too many overpriced meals in New York City. Rest assured, though, I will return to the keyboard soon.

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The Good, the Bad, and the Indy

I saw the new Indiana Jones flick, and discussed it some with Wander, but I still have more to say about it, thus this blog post. I don’t want to bother with sorting out what needs the patented InvisoText ® so if you haven’t seen the film, STOP READING HERE.

Overall I liked the movie, but I don’t think that I liked it as much as the other three. I don’t know if that has anything to do with age; I found that many shows I loved as a kid I think are terrible now. Go watch an episode of The A-Team to understand what I mean. One thing that was different with this film from the others – and is neither good nor bad (well, I guess I’m leaning towards bad here) – is the singular adventure. The previous movies all began with Indy embroiled in a separate adventure. In Raider’s of the Lost Ark, Indy has his iconic adventure in a Pre-Columbian temple. Indiana Jones and Temple of Doom begins with that wicked cool scene in a Hong Kong night club – it’s the escape from the gangsters that throws Indy, Short-round, and that annoying chick (Kate Capshaw?) into the movie’s main adventure in India. And Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade begins with this cool vignette of Indy as a teen and then flashes forward to an adventure on a boat tossed on a stormy sea. It gives the viewer the impression that the hero is constantly having adventures, which are only periodically interrupted by his classes. In this movie, it begins with the main adventure, with only a small road race at the beginning to set the pace. Of course, as I typed that I realized that maybe the new movie shouldn’t give that feeling of constant adventuring, as Indy is significantly older. His female students no longer swoon over him, and he hardly even goes by Indy anymore, and instead goes by his given name Henry. I wondered if this was in honor of his father, or indicative of his life transition into post-middle age. Either way, I suppose he really isn’t the same man as he was in the first three films.

Another part I’m ambivalent about is the mystery/mythology. The first three focused on known human mythology, two of which were from the Abrahamic religions (the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail) and the third was a Vedic myth (the only real part of I know of being the reference to the deity Shaak-Ti.) Anywho, this movie focuses on a non-religious mythology (well, at least traditional religion) of aliens. At first I feared I’d find it hokey, but none of the franchise is subtle in that respect (tearing out hearts, the Ark melting faces, etc.) Now I’m cool with it, and I even like how uniquely American (and 50’s) this movie was. I thought it was way cool that in the past twenty years Indy has been an agent of the OSS (the precursor to the CIA). It showed that even though he was a citizen of the world, he was also a patriot. Then there is the USA/USSR rivalry, the focus on the atomic age, and the inclusion of aliens, which were probably in every third movie made in the fifties (ironically enough as a metaphor for the red scare.) So intentional or not (but very likely intentional), the cohesiveness of theme was well done.

As for what I don’t like about the film, the first is the CGI/green screen work. It was just really noticeable, and with the technology we have I expected it to be seamless. Maybe the elements I didn’t like (the jungle chase scene) were too complex with the myriad of textures in the plants, or maybe somebody just dropped the ball. Still, the mediocre effects are a small complaint. My real complaint has to do with Karen Allen, and there’s no salve for this one.
In the first film, the only other one with Karen Allen, see plays a very strong character whose actions play a big part in the plot. In this movie she drives an amphibious jeep and swoons over Indy, who she hasn’t seen for at least twenty years. That’s it. They had a great character, one who could drink mountain men under the table, and reduced her to a soccer mom with ga-ga eyes for her (really) old boyfriend. That for me has to be the worst part of this movie. Yeah, she’s pudgy and has crows feet, but I still wanted to see her kick ass at least metaphorically. Her subservient, background role really fits in with the fifties theme, but in a bad way.

My last complaint has to do with the other female character, the Russian psychic chick. Kudos at least for mentioning Stalin’s funding research into psychic military programs, but the character wasn’t interesting enough to warrant Kate Blanchet’s talent. I think Blanchet is the most skilled actress on the screen today – I put her in with Meryl Streep, Judi Dench, and Kathy Bates, easy. She’s had small roles in movies, but she made them big (Lord of the Rings being a good example.) In this movie it seemed like there just wasn’t enough of a character for even Blanchet’s considerable talent to save.

It seems that all the character development went to Shia LeBouf and Harrison Ford (who didn’t need it, as his character is well-established.) Again, the women aren’t given much consideration, which, like I wrote above, keeps with the fifties theme whether it meant to or not.

As for what I did like about the film (other than the stuff I pointed out here and there), the overall action, adventure, and just plain fun was there, as was the humor. The joke on Indy’s phobia of snakes is hilarious.

Hmmm, that’s about it I guess. It’s definitely worth seeing, but I think it was too focused on wrapping up the series, and not focused enough on really making Karen Allen’s return as cool as it should have been.

Did anyone else think that the crystal aliens looked a lot like ET?

Pork and Beans

Check out the sweet new Weezer video. Just about every pop internet viral reference is in it. It sounds like another great Weezer song and album that I will be getting.

Maybe I'll start Flight of the Conchords Fridays...

"A heartwarming story" from my e-mail inbox today...

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through th e Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Another Bad Day At Work

Never bring a gun to a place infested with mosquitoes...

I'm not sure if I should laugh or be scared by the fact that idiots like this have guns lying around in their homes. From The Dallas Morning News:

A Fort Worth man trying to scratch an itch on his back used a revolver and accidentally shot himself.

Jorge Espinal, 44, was drinking beer and playing poker around 3 a.m. Sunday in his home in the 3500 block of Montague Street, when he got up from the table and walked into another room, said Fort Worth police Lt. Kenneth Dean.

“He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of, which was a revolver,” Lt. Dean said. “The gun went off."

Mr. Espinal went back and told his buddies that he shot himself. “They didn’t believe him until they saw the blood coming down his back,” Lt. Dean said.

Mr. Espinal was taken to an area hospital, where he was treated and released with non-life-threatening injuries.

Lucky for him he didn't have jock itch.

Anyone Else Getting That "Best Summer Ever" Feeling?

Wow! Simply, wow.

All Our Dreams May Come True

From MSNBC this morning, and to throw a little more fuel on the geek fire Swany already started...

The blockbuster worldwide opening of "Iron Man" didn't just create a franchise -- it kept the dreams of an independent production company alive. While Paramount Pictures distributed and marketed the movie that may make Robert Downey Jr. the next Johnny Depp, Marvel Studios completely financed the reportedly $150 million picture (cough, more, cough). And with its reboot of "The Incredible Hulk" releasing next month under the same conditions (just swap in Universal Pictures as the distributor), the company that once sold off the rights to its characters believes it has justified to Wall Street investors this new strategy was the way to go. In fact, the studio was so excited about the success of "Iron Man" that, on the Monday after the blockbuster weekend, it announced release dates for a sequel and a slew of new projects that were previously only listed as in development. Here's a quick breakdown on what they have planned:

"Iron Man 2"
Release date: April 30, 2010
Lowdown: This franchise has always been planned as a trilogy, and you can expect everyone to return and for Terrence Howard (aka War Machine) to get a lot more screen time.

"Thor"
Release date: June 4, 2010
Lowdown: Think "Lord of the Rings" meets "Beowulf." The most recent script rightfully set the Norse god's origins in pagan times (and was a good read to boot). As the comic book version also lives in modern times, it will be interesting to see how director Matthew Vaughn ("Stardust") ties that into the movie. The more important question is whether Marvel will spend the money Vaughn needs to make the magical world of Asgard come to life.

"The First Avenger: Captain America"
Release date: May 6, 2011
Lowdown: This is going to be a tough sell. Cap has been around since the 1940s, but other studios were always hesitant to develop the character because there isn't much appetite for a patriotic supersoldier draped in red, white and blue in the lucrative overseas market. Marvel is going full steam ahead, but even longtime comic fans wonder if this one can really succeed.

"The Avengers"
Release date: July 2011
Lowdown: If you waited for the final scene at the end of the "Iron Man" credits, you heard Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) tease audiences by introducing the Avengers Initiative to Tony Stark. This beloved superhero team has been around since the 1960s, and with Marvel controlling the rights to all the original members (Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Hulk) this may be a dream project come true. But is Marvel getting cocky thinking two "Avenger" movies can be hits in one summer?

"Ant-Man"
Release date: 2011
Lowdown: This is tough sell No. 2. Henry Pym is a scientist who discovers a way to shrink himself to the size of an ant and to communicate with them in order to fight evil. Pym's character got much more interesting over time (not to mention bigger when he became Giant-Man), but this has always been a hokey concept that conjures memories of "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids." Note to Marvel: Just skip Pym's Ant-Man years and move ahead to his cooler, current identity of Yellowjacket.

As if that post-credits Easter egg wasn't enough to geek out about...

Some semi-spoilers are in inviso-text below, although if you haven't heard about them yet, you don't surf the 'Net enough.

Jon Favreau managed to throw quite a few little bits into Iron Man to set the stage for an Avengers movie later on which apparently Marvel already has on their slate along with a Captain America film in 2011. S.H.I.E.L.D. is already set up, as is Nick Fury. Tony Stark apparently makes a cameo appearance in the upcoming The Incredible Hulk, so it looks like Marvel is really trying to tie together all of their film properties. The latest addition to this creation of an intertwined Marvel Universe is this find: Is that the prototype for Captain America's shield in the background? If it is--SWEEEEEET!

I wonder how I could embed this button on the sidebar of this blog...

Did you just tell a good joke?  Go to this site and press the button.

Batman 89 Vs. Batman 08

I Am Iron Man

I'm a little concerned about the lack of review for Iron Man by the Gang. Since no one else has posted on it, I'll give my two cents. It'll be short and to the point. And as I don't know how to add the cheese meter to the post, it will be lacking.
Here's the best praise I can give it. I saw it my second time yesterday, and I'm taking my Mom to see it Wednesday night and I am already excited I'm getting to see it a third time. Robert Downey Jr. is Tony Stark, will always be Tony Stark, and may have been born for the one purpose of playing Tony Stark.

And for those who've yet to see it, be sure to stay until after the credits for what very well may be the best comic related film scene ever put on celluloid. I embarrased my wife the first time seeing it by yelling wildly after it. My one saving grace, I was only one of about twenty people in the theater that excited over it.

Or if you like your day job, but are just a wee bit bored on a Friday morning...

I remember a day when my typing skills as a small child were rather impressive and a somewhat unique skill for a 10 year old. Now, I think even babies are typing due mostly to the explosion of computers in the last couple of decades.

TypeRacer is an online game where you race against other players on the Internet with your car going as fast as you can correctly type a movie quote correctly. I managed to get up into the 70's, but was flabbergasted by the fact that I was routinely beat by people running into the the 100's.

In case you were thinking about quitting your day job...

Apparently, just about anyone can enter the NBA draft. I have a feeling no one would be trading up to get my b-ball skills.

I never thought I'd be watching G.I. Joe for the T & A...

Sienna Miller coming to visit Daniel Craig in his hotel room for a booty call with a bag of Agent Provocateur lingerie in tote during one scene in the film Layer Cake was probably the best form of blatant product placement ever in a movie.

I'm not sure what that actually has to do with the topic of this post, except it's a bad segway into talking about Sienna Miller. I kind of like her description of the upcoming film adaptation of G.I. Joe where she portrays The Baroness:

Guns, tits, ass, no acting!

I'm not sure if that adds up to a recipe for disaster or the greatest summer popcorn flick ever made.

Here's some more promotional shots of the various characters in the film. I'm sure Firecracker George will have all sorts of comments and eye-rolling to contribute about Storm Shadow. He kind of reminds me of those old Enter the Ninja movies from the 80's that I was never allowed to watch. And as a tangential aside, did you know that Kurt Thomas of Gymkata fame now runs some gymnastics center here in North Dallas? For all I know, he could have been right next to me in the grocery store line, ready to use the counter as some sort of pommel horse to roundhouse kick me.

Man, I need to think up some better material for my blog postings.

That's bound to give you some weird form of "Lego back"...

It took a mere 500,000 bricks to assemble the tallest Lego tower ever.  Measured at 100 feet in height, the structure was built at Legoland in the UK.

Just think if they built that out of blocks that didn't have interlocking pieces--that would be one heck of a game of Jenga!

A Bad Day At Work

Lucky for the kid he didn't have lunch with a crappy baseball team like the Rangers...

They always use this situation in the movies, but I don't recall seeing it much in real life.

Miguel Tejada of the Houston Astros was so touched by an 8 year old boy he met with muscular dystrophy, he promised him a home run.  And sure enough, he delivered. Not to be outdone, the following two batters did the same.  In total, the Astros hit five homers last night against Milwaukee to beat them 7-4.  From ESPN:

"I was so excited," said Tejada, who'd never promised a home run before. "I know it's hard to tell someone you'll hit a home run and do it. But today when I went to lunch with this kid I wanted him to be happy. So I told him I'd do it."

How awesome does that kid feel right now?

I guess track marks won't necessarily mean you're heroin addict anymore...

There was many a morning when I would down cups of coffee after a rough night like an athlete drinks Gatorade following a dehydrating run and joked that it would be so much easier if they could just hook me up to an IV and give me a slow drip of coffee throughout the day.  Leave it up to the Japanese to get close.

Tenteki10 in Tokyo, Japan may be the first in the latest fad of "health bars" where you can order up your own selection of IV cocktail to provide a nice pick me up for the day.  From Japan Today:

Ten options with different effects and five courses consisting of these options are available. The basic price is 2,000 yen, and customers can request an option or course menu, for an additional charge.

“Many people daily suffer from exhaustion, insomnia and backaches on a daily basis because they don’t take proper care of themselves,” says a doctor at Tenteki10. “They try supplements, home remedies or cheap energy injections. Some of these ailments cannot be healed that way and could possibly develop into more serious illnesses, including depression.”

I'm not sure getting supplements injected straight into the bloodstream is that much better than taking the old fashioned oral route and letting your body absorb it, but I guess in this fast-paced world, every second counts.  That, or people really like needles--OUCH!

Sometimes when he's lovin' me, he ain't...

Time for some more animal porn.  I'm not sure you call this bestiality, but I guess it's sort of similar. From BBC News:

An Antarctic fur seal has been observed trying to have sex with a king penguin.

The South African-based scientists who witnessed the incident say it is the most unusual case of mammal mating behaviour yet known.

The incident, which lasted for 45 minutes and was caught on camera, is reported in the Journal of Ethology.

The bizarre event took place on a beach on Marion Island, a sub-Antarctic island that is home to both fur seals and king penguins.

Why the seal attempted to have sex with the penguin is unclear. But the scientists who photographed the event speculate that it was the behaviour of a frustrated, sexually inexperienced young male seal.

Equally, it might be been an aggressive, predatory act; or even a playful one that turned sexual.
"At first glimpse, we thought the seal was killing the penguin," says Nico de Bruyn, of the Mammal Research Institute at the University of Pretoria, South Africa.

And all of it caught on film.  Scandalous!

Anyone up for a road trip?

From KOKOGIAK:

I set out to find the longest distance for which Google Maps would give Driving Directions. Now that they've shut down the fun "swim the Atlantic" feature, things have changed a bit. It turns out there are multiple "longest drives", because the Google Maps World is partitioned (many countries don't support driving directions), and sometimes ferries are included, and sometimes they are not.

Unalaska, AK to Southern Newfoundland, Canada = 7,267 miles or about 6 days 15 hours.

Yeah, I might have to stop once or twice on this one.  Imagine the Cannonball Run kind of race you could make out of this, though.

Now that's what I call lazy...

I may try shopping like this from now on.  Imagine the time I could save:

Yeah, sure. It's all fun and games until your sandal melts...

I'm not exactly sure what is going on in this video, but it sure looks cool...or stupid depending on your point of view:

Tell and Show

We all pick up certain things from family. I would say some are due to nature and some are due to nurture. Heck, we even get some things that come from both nature and nurture combined. What is even better is when those things coincide with your interests.

My family seems to have quite a few artisans. I am sure that way back down the line it was from necessity, but those traits have survived the testing of time and can still be found within both my mom's and dad's side. Stitching, quilting, jewelry making, and woodworking to name a few.

I have always had a creative side that I have toyed with in drawing, cooking, writing, and other stuff. Sometimes the creativity comes out looking beautiful (or tasting wonderful), but most times it feels like it comes out significantly short of what I feel inside. Recently though I think I seem to have found a medium for combining the creativity with the artisan in me.

Last fall I took a class on woodworking which was a much friendlier environment for my personality than other woodworking classes I had in the past. We started with a simple box. Through the ten week class the teacher had commented that I seemed to have a natural feel for woodworking. He then asked me if I was interested in building anything else, and I didn't hesitate to say yes because I was enjoying it so much. As strange as it may seem I can get lost in the beautiful meandering of a piece of lumber's grain. I even find that it is often the undesirable portion of wood that has the most beauty in it. Come to think of it, this probably isn't all that strange for the Kool-Aid Gang because I know certain members who can easily get lost in their stuff too - painting, sailing, etc. I digress. Since the class I have built a coat a rack. It is something I have wanted to do for a long time, primarily because I wanted to use a lathe. The funny thing is that I used the lathe for a very small portion of my coat rack. The process was fun, and I have made a really good friend in the process.

Here are some pictures. They aren't the best lighting, but they will suffice. I carved the hooks by hand, and fell in love with them in the process. The stand is walnut, and the hooks are curly maple. The horizontal stripes you can sort of make out in the hooks is a phenomenon called figure, and I think it really makes them pop.

I don't think 15 years is quite enough...

These are the types of stories that make you doubt the existence of God:

AMSTETTEN, Austria (CNN) -- DNA tests have confirmed that Josef Fritzl fathered six children with his daughter, whom he kept imprisoned under his home for 24 years, police in Austria said Tuesday.

The more you read about the case, the more horrific it gets.

No, this isn't a scene from the new Speed Racer movie...

Check out this crash from a recent Le Mans race. The driver in this car apparently walked away with nothing more than a broken ankle!

A curly slide would have been even funnier...

This video sort of reminds me of when Firecracker George put my dog on the curly slide at the school playground. Of course, he wasn't a Jack Russell, and probably wouldn't have been this persistent to run UP the slide.

Happy Monday, everyone!

Who knew that "oh so clean feeling" could be SO GOOD?

If only my dog's poop would have been a good storage element for heat...

Perhaps if Firecracker George and I weren't so busy annoying my old and now long deceased dog with burning his little fuzzy butt using the concentrated energy of the sun via magnifying glasses on bored Sunday afternoons, we might actually be rich today.  

Previous technology to harness the endless radiation eminating from the Sun has focused on solar panels that convert energy into electricity.  This, of course, could provide endless amounts of free energy on a sunny day.  The problem is trying to store up this energy for later use when sunlight isn't in quite such abundance (i.e. at night or in Seattle).  Batteries are highly inefficient and often times rely on materials that are, themselves, somewhat harmful to the environment.

The solution comes from a rather simple idea (from The New York Times):

The idea is to capture the sun’s heat. Heat, unlike electric current, is something that industry knows how to store cost-effectively. For example, a coffee thermos and a laptop computer’s battery store about the same amount of energy, said John S. O’Donnell, executive vice president of a company in the solar thermal business, Ausra. The thermos costs about $5 and the laptop battery $150, he said, and “that’s why solar thermal is going to be the dominant form.”

Solar thermal systems are built to gather heat from the sun, boil water into steam, spin a turbine and make power, as existing solar thermal power plants do — but not immediately. The heat would be stored for hours or even days, like water behind a dam.

A plant that could store its output could pick the time to sell the production based on expected price, as wheat farmers and cattle ranchers do. Ausra, of Palo Alto, Calif., is making components for plants to which thermal storage could be added, if the cost were justified by higher prices after sunset or for production that could be realistically promised even if the weather forecast was iffy. Ausra uses Fresnel lenses, which have a short focal length but focus light intensely, to heat miles of black-painted pipe with a fluid inside.

The picture up top is of a system in Spain.  Dozens of mirrored panels reflect sunlight to a central tower that collects all the thermal energy and transfers it to a tank of molten salt below for storage.  It looks like something out of a James Bond movie.  Actually, that would make a pretty cool ending--diabolical villain trapped in the tower and burned alive by the the focused light of the sun.

My wife just gave me permission to look at videos of jiggling boobies!

Rather than referring to her as "the wife" on this blog, I've decided my significant other needed her own official alter ego.  I've chosen the picture to the left as her avatar, taken from her favorite web comic strip character, Angry Little Asian Girl (and yes, she is flipping you off). And my wife's name on this blog will now be Liz Lemon. Given my wife's quirky love for humidifiers, Mentholatum, and the game of Uno, it seemed fitting that she be named after Tina Fey's character on 30 Rock.

Anywho, I bring this up today because she gave me a great topic for blog posting today.  It's a bit humorous, a bit practical, and could be deemed a bit NSFW.  This all begins by a realization that I had about how seemingly mundane interests of mine have changed since I got married. In the mornings as I get ready for work, I'll often turn on the TV and tune in to one of the morning shows like Good Morning America or The Today Show.  It's typically mindless stuff. Celebrity chef cooking up a meal you'll never remember the recipe to or brief interview with latest kid surviving grizzly bear attack.  One particular morning, though, a segment on The Today Show about the perfect sports bra strangely caught my interest.  It's not like I've been searching for the best fitting bra all my life, but I know Lemon has obsessively looked for that one perfect brazier that will somehow make exercise fun and enjoyable.  And that's what's odd about married life.  Things you probably never would have been all that interested in as a single person suddenly become shared obsessions with your spouse.

So I told Lemon about this segment, which led her to get reobsessed with bra shopping.  This then led her to a website that sells all kinds of practical women's undergarments.  And somehow, shared interests come full circle when she gives me permission to view bouncy boobies on the Internet because it was just so damn funny to watch.  

The website, HerRoom.com, has their trademarked "Bounce Test" videos so women can see how much support they can expect while running in the bra they're considering for purchase or in case they had plans to try out for the opening sequence of Baywatch. Such a practical idea for women, yet so titillating (pun intended) at the same time for men, and outright hilarious at 3:00 in the morning for women and men alike.

I guess this is one way to get rid of your children...

No one quite knows how this kid got into this claw machine, but me thinks if he actually figures out how to get out of these types of predicaments, he might have a bright future as a cat burglar in the future. That, or this may be the new way of putting up orphan kids for adoption--give wanting parents a few tokens, and hope they can grab the one they want before he/she drops back in the pile:

Sonic textures from the land of the frogs...

I've been a bit lax in trying out new music, recently I've been listening to this new album Saturdays=Youth by the French band M83 after reading about it somewhere on the Internet.  I can't say I was familiar with their earlier work, but I have a feeling Wander has been a fan for years and probably has their entire discography (including rare imports from Zimbabwe and Thailand).  ;-)

Anywho, it's really good.  Kind of hankering back to all those New Wave bands from our youth, yet sounding entirely modern at the same time.  "Kim and Jessie" reminds me a bit of Thompson Twins.  "Couleurs" is like an extended New Order instrumental mix.  And my favorite song on the album, "We Own the Sky," is like a mish-mash of all those alternative 80's bands.

My Vote For The New Olympic Sport

And this guy would get the gold.

Even the Cookie Monster may be diagnosed with an eating disorder...

Here's a hilarious introspective essay from McSweeney's written by my hero--the Cookie Monster! Here's a small excerpt:

Me love cookies. Me tend to get out of control when me see cookies. Me know it not natural to react so strongly to cookies, but me have weakness. Me know me do wrong. Me know it isn't normal. Me see disapproving looks. Me see stares. Me hurt inside.

When me get back to apartment, after cookie binge, me can't stand looking in mirror—fur matted with chocolate-chip smears and infested with crumbs. Me try but me never able to wash all of them out. Me don't think me is monster. Me just furry blue person who love cookies too much. Me no ask for it. Me just born that way.

And to end, a song that will be stuck in your head all day long, but isn't all that bad:

Damn pornstars making us men feel inadequate...

Looks like we don't have to feel all that inadequate in comparison to Sting's all night long sexual exploits after all. A new study finds that the optimal amount of sexual intercourse is actually only 3 to 13 minutes (not including foreplay).

Dr. Irwin Goldstein, editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, cited a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. (Women were armed with stopwatches.)

It's difficult for both older men and young men to make sexual intercourse last much longer, said Marianne Brandon, a clinical psychologist and director of Wellminds Wellbodies in Annapolis, Md.

"There are so many myths in our culture of what other people are doing sexually," Brandon said. "Most people's sex lives are not as exciting as other people think they are."

Granted, this was all based on surveys of prior experiences. It's not like they gave the people in the study a night with Joe Two-Pump and a comparison night with someone who could last for hours.

Now you've got a whole other bone to worry about breaking on the slopes next winter...

Later this year in August, Burton will be teaming up with Playboy to release this provocative line of snowboards.  

I heard on NPR that the number of deaths at North American ski slopes spiked up a significant amount this year, raising thoughts that speed limits on certain dangerous runs should be enforced to enhance safety.  Me thinks boards like these will not help matters.

My dog died.

So about two weeks ago, I noticed that my dog wasn't eating. I had been feeding him a lot of people food, so I thought he might just be getting finicky. I waited for him to eat his dog food, but it wasn't happening. He also wasn't drinking his water from the dog bowl, but was drinking out of the toilet (which he normally didn't do) and from his big bucket outside. Anyway, I decided that I needed to take him to the vet. I had to wait a few days, because the vet schedule, and by the time I finally got him there he was lethargic even for him. He wasn't excited about milkbones or going on walks, or anything that he used to love. The vet checked on him and I found out why. He had a malignant tumor in his heart and lungs. It was so large that it was pressing on his trachea, which is probably why he couldn't eat or drink out of his bowl (I had been giving him lunch meat every so often, which he lifted his head to eat.) He had also lost eight of his fifty-eight pounds (they weighed him in February the last time he was in), but I didn't notice because he had his full coat. (The picture left is from August, when his summer buzz was beginning to grow out a little. I know how Swany wants to keep our anonymity, so I put a black bar over Firecracker Rover's eyes to hide his identity.)

Anyway, by the time the vet looks at him and x-rays his chest to find the tumors, he tells me that treatment is unlikely to do anything but prolong his suffering. That was the last thing I wanted, so I went to the vets and petted him while they put him to sleep.

The whole thing has been like getting grazed on the nuts. It starts off not too bad, but then the pain gets worse. I'm just now starting to get used to him not being around. I'm just now starting to get up in the morning and not worry about stepping on him. I'm just now starting to not think it's him every time I the zipper on my laptop bag jingle. He was already ten, but I was hoping that he'd live a little longer than he did.

My brother has chided me for "making too big a deal about it," but he has a family. My dog was my family. He was the closest thing to my own kid that I had (which I'm sure is not very close at all once you have the real deal.) Anywho, this house seemed too big with the two of us - now it seems ridiculous. I'm going to move to a new place soon. I'd already planned on it, but now it feels more urgent.

I just know that I'm going to miss him for a long time to come. He was my bud.

How ridiculous Destro's metal head looks could make or break this one for me...

Here's the second promotional picture for the upcoming G.I. Joe flick.  It's not Scarlett's usual green and khaki colored outfit, but this movie version doesn't look half bad.  

I'm slowly beginning to think this movie may actually be kind of entertaining.  

I'd like to buy the world a bag of Cheetos, and live in harmony...

Here's a somewhat enlightening article in The Washington Post today as an example of how Asian racial slurs are sometimes overlooked by the general American public.

A cheese steak shop in Philadelphia has been in business for over 50 years and has a loyal clientele base.  But recently this popular eatery has stirred up quite a bit of protest from Asian-American groups. Why? Because of it's name--Chink's Steaks.

The restaurant was opened by Samuel Sherman, who was nicknamed "Chink" as a child because of his supposedly slanted, Asian-looking eyes. "Nobody ever called him Sam," said Groh, who started working at the eatery at age 15 and later bought it after Sherman died. "That was his name from the age of 6."

The problem is that the term "chink" is every bit as racist and hurtful to Asian Americans as "the n-word" is to African Americans -- so much so that some have taken to calling it "the c-word."

"It's definitely a derogatory term," said Ginny Gong, national president of the Organization of Chinese Americans, one of several groups pressing for the restaurant to change its name. ". . . Maybe there is this feeling that Asian Americans will not express some degree of outrage. But we are outraged that there is this comfort level."

For Groh, 45, the name remains part of his restaurant's tradition. When his mother suggested he change it to "Joe's," he said, he told her: "Why would I? This is Chink's."

I'm not quite sure what to think about this. Part of me says the nickname, and hence, the restaurant's name, wasn't really meant to be derogatory, so why get all worked up about it? Yet another side of me wonders if I shouldn't be a bit more sensitive to such terms. I mean, if a guy had some African-American features, I'm sure we wouldn't be calling him and his place "Nigger's" in public. This is yet another example of how the Asian-American is kind of in limbo as far as race is concerned.

Yu and others said that the groups learned from the failed experience, and that they recognize that part of their efforts must be to heighten sensitivity and educate non-Asians about the term and why Asian Americans find it offensive.

They are in some ways battling entrenched stereotypes. Among them is the perception that Asian Americans are, for the most part, affluent, educated and well assimilated, and should therefore have no complaints -- the "model minority."

"We have not done a good job at sensitizing the general population," Yu said. Many Americans, she said, "generally don't associate Asians as a minority facing discrimination."

Grace Kao, director of Asian American studies at the University of Pennsylvania, said part of the problem is the way race is still defined and discussed in the United States. "In this country, race is still largely a black-and-white issue. Asian Americans and Latinos are largely left out of the conversation," she said. "In public dialogue, you can't say certain things about African Americans, but it's still okay to say things about Asian Americans."

I'm not quite sure I agree, though. Perhaps being too sensitive about racial terms isn't such a good idea. Just the whole ___ - American terminology seems to have done nothing more than make people a bit more uncomfortable about talking about race. Do I call you black or African-American? Can I call you Chinese or Chinese-American? Maybe you're Asian-American. Crap. You only look a bit Asian (or is it Asian-American), but actually you're Tiger Woods and you're African-American.  But isn't your mother Asian?  No, she's Thai.  Oh wait.  That's Asian.  But she's an American citizen.  That makes her Asian-American.  Or is that Thai-American?  Wait. What?  It's all so confusing.  Please don't hit me.  Here--have a sack of Cheetos.

In the end, though, I think they should leave Chink's alone if for no other reason then to spark a bit of controversy and continue the discussion about race. And in the meantime, I'm starting up a pub in Asia called "Honkey," not to be confused with it's sister bar called "Crackah."

Idn't That Someth'n? Idn't That Somth'n!

With all of us a little busier lately, it has been no surprise that the blog has slowed down. I have been busy and my life in another couple of weeks is going to get even busier. The Kool-Aid gang should never fear, though. If I ever come across our staple source of humor, I will make sure to spend the time to post about it. Enjoy!

Liberty City Gun Club

And speaking of guns, here's a little video from my pick for most anticipated game of all time "Grand Theft Auto 4". It not only shows off the games incredible graphics engine, but also the tongue-in-cheek humour that makes the GTA series my pick for best games of all time. April 29th will not get here soon enough!

I guess we can confiscate his guns now...

Whatever you thought of his political beliefs, you have to admit that Charlton Heston was quite entertaining on those rainy weekend afternoon days when you had nothing better to do than lie on the couch and watch an old movie on TV.

And The Ten Commandments will never be the same knowing Moses is actually dead now.

R.I.P.  1923-2008

I guess it's still a bit too early to start building those Star Trek Constellation class starships...

Here's a bunch of pictures showing how they assemble a space shuttle together for a mission, from the external tanks being delivered via barge to the final lift-off from the launch pad.  Hard to believe NASA will be retiring these things in only a couple more years.  

(via kottke.org)

If you ever thought about a career change...

This is some paparazzi photo of some guy getting to rub oil on supermodel Giselle Budchen's ass during a photo shoot. Suddenly, my work seems so boring.

And here you though they were just leading us on with no idea of real conclusion...

Reminder: The final season of Battlestar Galactica starts tomorrow. If you haven't watched much, or just can't remember what the frak is going on, check out the eight minute synopsis on scifi.com.

If only my mom had made me play the guitar instead of the piano, I could have been a rock god...

This kid is eight year old. Imagine the riffs he'll be wailing out when he's eighteen!

A perfect storm of blunders...

Due to a malfunction of communication between my TiVo and Dish Network receiver (FYI: Dish Network SUCKS!), I wasn't able to see the first part of the Frontline special "Bush's War" on PBS, but the second half I watched last night was a nice intelligent connect-the-dots documentary of what seemed to be a perfect storm of an impressionable president, a couple of overzealous paranoid cabinet members (i.e. Cheney and Rumsfeld), a marginalized National Security Advisor, and a Secretary of State that had some common sense about the whole thing, but always seemed to lose the argument in the face of the Vice President, that coalesced into the disaster that is Iraq. Although the intentions of everyone in charge was probably in the right place, it's kind of scary knowing how clueless some of those in charge really were. You watch interviews that seem to clearly show that the right information was there, but no one of importance would listen.

Anywho, if you've got time to watch the 4+ hour documentary, you can catch it in full on the PBS website.

Suddenly, the lunar landing doesn't seem all that anymore...

This is a map of the paths that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin took after Apollo 11 landed on the moon overlayed on top of an average baseball diamond. You'd think with all the time and energy they took to get to the moon, they'd have walked around just a wee bit more to stretch their legs.

Yeah, once you see the notes, it looks so easy...

I saw this on John Mayer's blog and thought it was the coolest thing I've seen in awhile--John Coltrane performing "Giant Steps" with his improvised solo coming to life on sheets of music:

I wonder if they'll actually show his face...

Considering the director is responsible for some major pieces of cinematic crap like The Mummy and Van Helsing, I'm not holding my breath that G.I. Joe coming out in 2009 will be a great movie. Still, this promotional picture release from Paramount Pictures looks kind of promising, and I like some of the people they've assembled for the cast.

I'm sure a climactic ninja battle between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow must be in the script. As long as they don't mess that up, they can throw in all the Yo Joe Cola they want into the movie. Heck, even the inclusion of Zartan as a villain might not spoil the fun for me.

One semester of Spanish

Too bad my one semester was in junior high and taught by an old woman who was once a Playboy bunny, otherwise I might be able to sing this song to my lover.


Editorial Note: It is oddly coincidental that these last two videos are by the same guy. This video was sent to me a fwe days back and I had intended to post it a couple of days ago, and the Honest R&B Song was heard on the radio this morning. Anyway, I guess this is just pointless bannter that only goes to show you that I think this guy is funny.

For those "Business Time" Lovers

How many licks does it take to get to the bacon?

Bacon lollipops.  Oh my.

What not to wear...

I saw this photo comparison on a blog somewhere.  If you're ever a governor caught in an illicit affair or sex scandal, take a cue from Eliot Spitzer from New York or James McGreevey from New Jersey.  Dark grey suit, red striped tie, wife by your side in tranquil blue jacket and pearls, wimpering upturned lower lip.  Yup.  Works every time.

Perhaps this is why I wasn't popular with the ladies...

As some of you may have heard or read about, Gary Gygax died last week.  Here is The New York Times tribute to his lifetime achievement, the creation of Dungeons and Dragons.  I especially like the only path to "GIRLS."

Another four years?

I was reading this article in The New York Times about some of the infighting and disorganization going on in the Clinton camp, and thought this kind of sounded familiar. It's like what most of the critics of the Bush administration complain about:

Still, interviews with campaign aides, associates and friends suggest that Mrs. Clinton, at least until February, was a detached manager. Juggling the demands of being a candidate, she paid little attention to detail, delegated decisions large and small and deferred to advisers on critical questions. Mrs. Clinton accepted or seemed unaware of the intense factionalism and feuding that often paralyzed her campaign and that prevented her aides from reaching consensus on basic questions like what states to fight in and how to go after Mr. Obama, of Illinois.

Mrs. Clinton showed a tendency toward an insular management style, relying on a coterie of aides who have worked for her for years, her aides and associates said. Her choice of lieutenants, and her insistence on staying with them even when friends urged her to shake things up, was blamed by some associates for the campaign’s woes. Again and again, the senator was portrayed as a manager who valued loyalty and familiarity over experience and expertise.

Just based on this article, I'm not sure Hillary sounds much more competent as a leader than George W. For all the hoopla about how the country needs a new kind of leadership and an end to cronies, I'm not sure the Democrats can provide it either if the Clintons were back in power.

And I actually find it kind of sad how the Dems are yet again screwing up a perfect opportunity to get some semblance of control in the government simply by a bunch of infighting. I'm not sure McCain has to do much except let the two Democratic nominees beat each other up until the Democratic Convention. And this whole debacle with the disenfranchised primary votes in Michigan and Florida--only the Democrats could create such a fiasco. You can always leave it up to the Democrats to shoot themselves in the foot and start the whole contest with a handicap.

Spare a square and give peace a chance...

Mark your calendars--April 18th is Poop for Peace Day.

Poop is the one experience all human beings have in common. We may have varying ideas of God and politics, but the power of an impending poop is a higher calling to which every human must answer. Side by side in a public bathroom, any two human beings are stripped of their differences and reduced to their most basic essence: a pair of feet sticking out below the stall, and a pair of butt trumpets performing a greasy symphony to lament humanity's non-negotiable deference to the call of the vile.

I'm on my way to making my poop posting quota for the month.