Just don't vomit on the keyboard, please...

This series of essays from Esquire magazine written by a writer at various stages of drunkenness seemed timely given inebriated Firecracker George and his alcohol-induced post from this weekend.

A truly satisfactory answer demands equal measures of hard science and hard liquor. My editor and I devised a protocol in which he would supply me with a series of essay topics. The first would come while I was sober, with others to follow at ninety-minute intervals as I began to sip steadily from a bottle of Johnnie Walker. Self-administered breath tests would track my progress and verify--if the text somehow didn't--that the whisky was having an effect. As it turned out . . . well, you'll see.

Maybe we should all do this experiment one of these days on this blog. I feel somewhat uninhibited to write what I think, and that's when I'm sober. I can't imagine what a few rounds of bourbon would do to my posts.

Penis envy...

Well, I guess it's true. Women really don't care all that much about penises. When asked to find out information about George Brett on a biographical page, men would focus on his face and crotch while women only looked at his face.

This observation was used in a story about news article design and how to create a tighter story with pictures and layouts that do a better job to grab a reader. Probably something a professional writer like Firecracker George might enjoy, and worth a read for everyone if you ever worry that no one is reading your post.

The points I gleaned from it:

• Bullet points help focus your audience.
• Know your audience, i.e. bathroom humor and anything related to Star Wars should be a big sell on this blog.
• If you choose a picture to grab the audiences attention, make sure it's a guy with a big package and a nice smile. If you forget the crotch shot, well, then you're thinking like a girl because men never forget to look at the private anatomy, and then in some twisted way, you're actually homosexual.
  

So I guess this means the next time you're at some club and catch some well groomed guy glancing at your manhood, it's OK. He's not trying to hit on you. He's just being a man. It's what men do. The guy that keeps staring into your eyes, though, well...