Don't forget...

This ad is a little racy and definitely NSFW, but a timely reminder for all the guys here at the Kool-Aid Gang:

You guys don't understand me at all...

Gong Xi Fai Cai!  It's the Year of the Ox!

This is an especially auspicious year for me, since by the Chinese calendar, I was born in the Year of the Ox.  I don't know if you believe in any of the tellings of the Chinese zodiac and what your time of birth says about you, but I decided to look up "Ox" on Wikipedia.  

Apparently positive traits of the Ox include:  "responsible, dependable, honest, caring, honourable, intelligent, artistic, industrious, practical."

Negative traits of the Ox include: "petty, inflexible, possessive, dogmatic, gullible, stubborn, critical, intolerant, materialistic."

In some respects, that sounds exactly like me, and in others, nothing like me.  I'd ask the Kool-Aid Gang about whether they thought there was any truth to this, but then I looked a step further to who the Ox is apparently compatible with. To my horror, I found this:

Ox and TIGER
Personality clashes and bitter rivalry. No understanding of each other. Animosities and mutual distrust. Unable to resolve their differences.

Given that most of the Kool-Aid Gang are Tigers by the Chinese zodiac, that alarmed me. Given that my wife is a Tiger, well, that explains a lot of the arguments we have. ;-)

Oh well.  What does a stupid horoscope know?  I think I missed the cutoff to be a Tiger by only a few days anyway.  

Happy Chinese New Year to you all!  Hope you were able to celebrate better than me.  No lucky dumplings or long life noodles for me at dinner.  Instead, I browsed around Costco and got the "$1.50 hot dog and a Coke" special.  Yum.

Ayyyyyy, maties...

It's "Talk Like a Pirate Day!"  

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Happy Chinese New Year! It's the Year of the Rat. Legend has it that Buddha staged a race across a river with the animals of the Chinese zodiac to determine the order of the lunar calendar. The race was almost won by the determined Ox, but at the last minute, the Rat who had been riding on his back, jumped off at the end to win the race--sneaky bastard. And if you were curious, Tigers, you came in third. Thus, the Rat comes first in the cycle, meaning this year is a good time to start over and begin anew.

Perhaps I'll use this year to start over with learning Mandarin Chinese, which I might be able to achieve doing what I do best--watching TV! From The Boston Globe (via Pop Candy):

Kai-lan Chow, the newest addition to Nickelodeon's "Nick Jr." preschool block, has big, wide-set brown eyes and a penchant - like some others on her network - for breaking the fourth wall. Many times in every episode of "Ni Hao, Kai-lan," the new animated series that launches at 11 a.m. today, she will gaze beyond the TV screen and ask her audience for help. Often, the task will involve repeating a word in Mandarin.

Of the many goals packed into every half-hour "Ni Hao" episode, this is the most inventive and ambitious: To give preschoolers a rudimentary lesson in the Chinese language. (Ni Hao, incidentally, means "hello.") There is precedent, of course; PBS's "Sesame Street" taught a generation to count to 10 in Spanish, and Nick Jr.'s "Dora the Explorer" and "Go, Diego, Go!" have continued the tradition. "Ni Hao, Kai-lan" promises political relevance, too. Of all the languages worth knowing in the future, Mandarin ranks high.

Strange to think that Wild Willie's and Fandango's kids will probably know more Chinese than me. Now, even they can make fun of me behind my back with my wife and her family.