I guess balloon animals aren't even innocent anymore...

I guess this is sort of NSFW, but too hilarious not to share.  Be warned it involves balloon animals made out of Durex condoms and a lot of squeaking.

I'm sure the regular TV watchers have seen this...

... but it's a new one for me.

No word yet on what the Mazda RX-8 does to a woman's libido...

I always knew there was something to the claim that chicks dig fast sports cars, so images like the one to the left are pure fantasy.  I guess there's no way to glamorize the fact that you're driving a Kia.  From Wired's Autopia blog:

David Moxon subjected 40 men and women to the sounds of a Maserati, Lamborghini and Ferrari, then measured the amount of testosterone in their saliva. He found everyone had higher levels of the stuff -- a measure of their arousal -- after hearing the revving exotics, but the amount the women had was off the charts.

The econobox, however, left everyone colder than a January day in Nome.

I guess Firecracker George was on to something when he got his last car, and must have women literally drooling testosterone when he passes by.  That, or he's a victim of more road rage.

Sometimes when he's lovin' me, he ain't...

Time for some more animal porn.  I'm not sure you call this bestiality, but I guess it's sort of similar. From BBC News:

An Antarctic fur seal has been observed trying to have sex with a king penguin.

The South African-based scientists who witnessed the incident say it is the most unusual case of mammal mating behaviour yet known.

The incident, which lasted for 45 minutes and was caught on camera, is reported in the Journal of Ethology.

The bizarre event took place on a beach on Marion Island, a sub-Antarctic island that is home to both fur seals and king penguins.

Why the seal attempted to have sex with the penguin is unclear. But the scientists who photographed the event speculate that it was the behaviour of a frustrated, sexually inexperienced young male seal.

Equally, it might be been an aggressive, predatory act; or even a playful one that turned sexual.
"At first glimpse, we thought the seal was killing the penguin," says Nico de Bruyn, of the Mammal Research Institute at the University of Pretoria, South Africa.

And all of it caught on film.  Scandalous!

Damn pornstars making us men feel inadequate...

Looks like we don't have to feel all that inadequate in comparison to Sting's all night long sexual exploits after all. A new study finds that the optimal amount of sexual intercourse is actually only 3 to 13 minutes (not including foreplay).

Dr. Irwin Goldstein, editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, cited a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. (Women were armed with stopwatches.)

It's difficult for both older men and young men to make sexual intercourse last much longer, said Marianne Brandon, a clinical psychologist and director of Wellminds Wellbodies in Annapolis, Md.

"There are so many myths in our culture of what other people are doing sexually," Brandon said. "Most people's sex lives are not as exciting as other people think they are."

Granted, this was all based on surveys of prior experiences. It's not like they gave the people in the study a night with Joe Two-Pump and a comparison night with someone who could last for hours.

Holding out for sex...

Note:  Sorry, I just couldn't get myself to post hot monkey porn for the accompanying picture.

A new study suggests female macaque monkeys may deny potential male partners sex until they dote on them a while:

Gumert found after a male grooms a female, the likelihood that she will engage in sexual activity with the male was about three times more than if the grooming had not occurred.

And as with other commodities, the value of sex is affected by supply and demand factors: A male would spend more time grooming a female if there were fewer females in the vicinity.

I suppose those male monkeys aren't any more immune to blue balls than us higher evolved male Homo sapiens.

At least I didn't find the man (or woman formerly known as a man) attractive...

I'm almost scared to admit that I didn't get this little pop quiz from TMZ right:

Put on your helmet, 'cause we're going spelunking...

Japan seems to have this ongoing fascination with anything cute. Young urban professional women may be adorned with all things Hello Kitty. Even the manga read by grown men on the subway are typically filled with big-eyed characters that play up cute faces more than gritty reality. So I guess it shouldn't surprise me that condoms in Japan would get the cute treatment, too.

Actually, condom packaging seems to be a big deal in the country across the Pacific. Number one on this list might actually scare a potential mate or set her up for some real disappointment when you can't live up to the advertising. I'm kind of partial to number six, the Love Cannon, myself.

I guess my wife can't say that I'm that pig-headed...

They say that all sorts of things from how adept you are at spatial relationships to what the proportions of your fingers are to each other can tell a lot about how you developed in the womb, and whether your brain is wired to be more male or female. The BBC has a Sex I.D. quiz you can take that's kind of fun, if you've got some free time. I was hoping to score in the high male range of the spectrum, but as you can see below, I'm right smack in the middle between guys and gals. What that means, I have no idea.