His insurance company must be loving these new cellphone video cams now...

Don't know if you heard about this guy that crashed his $2 million Bugatti Veyron into a lagoon near Galveston. He initially claimed a low flying pelican distracted him. Unbeknownst to him, some admiring fans of the car were filming the whole thing:

No, this is not a joke...

There are moments when I love PETA.  This is typically when they're all about putting up ads of hot naked women with nothing but strategically placed veggies to cover up their naughty bits.  But most of the time I think they're a bit too radical and border on insane.  Case in point--their new campaign to rename fish as sea kittens:

Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone. You've done enough damage, buddy. We've got it from here. And we're going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it's time for a serious image makeover. And who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?

Personally, I kind of hate cats, so this campaign actually probably has the opposite effect of what they're proposing.  

Now I'm hungry for sushi. 

The pen is mightier than the sword. The RED pen that is...

I thought this was from The Onion, at first.  At some point in time, I'm guessing the practice of even pointing out mistakes will become too psychologically damaging to a young child's development (which I think someone in this article almost inferred).  I was actually surprised this nonsense didn't originate from the U.S.  From The Daily Telegraph:

Marking in red ink banned in case it upsets schoolchildren
Hundreds of schools have banned their teachers from marking in red ink in case it upsets the children.

They are scrapping the traditional method of correcting work because they consider it "confrontational" and "threatening".

Pupils increasingly find that the ticks and crosses on their homework are in more soothing shades like green, blue, pink and yellow or even in pencil.

Traditionalists have condemned the ban sweeping classrooms as "absolutely barmy", "politically correct" and "trendy".

They insist that red ink makes it easier for children to spot errors and improve.

The red pen goes back further than most schools, having been developed during the mid-19th century when ammonia-based dyes became available.

But the opposition to using red ink is now a worldwide trend with recent guidelines to schools in Queensland, Australia warning that the colour can damage students psychologically.

Of course, if this theory was actually true, I figure I should have been one of the more confident students in our class given the fact that I was a pretty good student and had less red marks on my papers than most.  

How to kill a bull...

The global financial market has gotten way to complicated for me too understand. Granted, I didn't major in economics in college, but I still consider myself a relatively intelligent guy who should be able to sort of get some semblance of how Wall Street works. This scares me given the fact that we all rely on financial investments to insure we aren't living in a tent eating Spaghettios for dinner when we retire, especially with the gloom and doom reports that I hear on the news everyday.

It used to be, that this didn't worry me so much. Heck, I'm no Warren Buffet genius, so I figured, it's best to leave the mental work of the market to the experts. But as I think about it more, I have to wonder where this unearned confidence in the investment community ever came from. I used to recall a banner in the commons at some college once that said something to the effect of, "Want a BMW when you grow up? Get an MBA."  This was the kind of people they were recruiting into business school.  Not anyone with a social consience, just guys whose goal in life was to make lots and lots of money.  Now typically there is the occassional wiz kid that really wants to understand  economic theory, but I always got the feeling that most of the guys going into finance and business weren't always the brightest guys in the world.  I had this stereotypical image that the smartest students became engineers, doctors, scientists, and maybe even lawyers while the others were a bunch of frat boys just extending their party to Wall Street, with some bullshitting their way to the very top.  So instead of the best and the brightest in the world overseeing essentially our future livelihood, we've got clueless guys playing a game of high stakes poker and making poor bets with our money.  Based on this article by Michael Lewis about what led to the current economic collapse, maybe I wasn't so far off:

Here's where financial technology became suddenly, urgently relevant. The typical mortgage bond was still structured in much the same way it had been when I worked at Salomon Brothers. The loans went into a trust that was designed to pay off its investors not all at once but according to their rankings. The investors in the top tranche, rated AAA, received the first payment from the trust and, because their investment was the least risky, received the lowest interest rate on their money. The investors who held the trusts' BBB tranche got the last payments—and bore the brunt of the first defaults. Because they were taking the most risk, they received the highest return. Eisman wanted to bet that some subprime borrowers would default, causing the trust to suffer losses. The way to express this view was to short the BBB tranche. The trouble was that the BBB tranche was only a tiny slice of the deal.

But the scarcity of truly crappy subprime-mortgage bonds no longer mattered. The big Wall Street firms had just made it possible to short even the tiniest and most obscure subprime-mortgage-backed bond by creating, in effect, a market of side bets. Instead of shorting the actual BBB bond, you could now enter into an agreement for a credit-default swap with Deutsche Bank or Goldman Sachs. It cost money to make this side bet, but nothing like what it cost to short the stocks, and the upside was far greater.

The arrangement bore the same relation to actual finance as fantasy football bears to the N.F.L. Eisman was perplexed in particular about why Wall Street firms would be to and asking him to sell short. "What Lippman did, to his credit, was he came around several times to me and said, 'Short this market,' " Eisman says. "In my entire life, I never saw a sell-side guy come in and say, 'Short my market.' "

And short Eisman did—then he tried to get his mind around what he'd just done so he could do it better. He'd call over to a big firm and ask for a list of mortgage bonds from all over the country. The juiciest shorts—the bonds ultimately backed by the mortgages most likely to default—had several characteristics. They'd be in what Wall Street people were now calling the sand states: Arizona, California, Florida, Nevada. The loans would have been made by one of the more dubious mortgage lenders; Long Beach Financial, wholly owned by Washington Mutual, was a great example. Long Beach Financial was moving money out the door as fast as it could, few questions asked, in loans built to self-destruct. It specialized in asking home owners with bad credit and no proof of income to put no money down and defer interest payments for as long as possible. In Bakersfield, California, a Mexican strawberry picker with an income of $14,000 and no English was lent every penny he needed to buy a house for $720,000.

More generally, the subprime market tapped a tranche of the American public that did not typically have anything to do with Wall Street. Lenders were making loans to people who, based on their credit ratings, were less creditworthy than 71 percent of the population. Eisman knew some of these people. One day, his housekeeper, a South American woman, told him that she was planning to buy a townhouse in Queens. "The price was absurd, and they were giving her a low-down-payment option-ARM," says Eisman, who talked her into taking out a conventional fixed-rate mortgage. Next, the baby nurse he'd hired back in 1997 to take care of his newborn twin daughters phoned him. "She was this lovely woman from Jamaica," he says. "One day she calls me and says she and her sister own five townhouses in Queens. I said, 'How did that happen?' " It happened because after they bought the first one and its value rose, the lenders came and suggested they refinance and take out $250,000, which they used to buy another one. Then the price of that one rose too, and they repeated the experiment. "By the time they were done," Eisman says, "they owned five of them, the market was falling, and they couldn't make any of the payments."

The entire article is a bit of a lengthy read, but kind of fascinating to see exactly how either clueless or evil these guys are.  Maybe that's where the symbol of the bull for a growing market came from--it's all just based on bullshit.

Every so often, I kind of fear for my life...

I don't mind people criticizing a candidate's experience, policies, or overall character, but it's so depressing (and a bit maddening) to see Americans who still have such a narrow-minded and racist view of their fellow citizens here in the United States.  I'm actually almost worried about a second Civil War if Obama is elected in November based on the almost hatred these people have for the guy.  

To be fair, if you had a Republican blogger going to a Democratic rally and pulling a "Michael Moore" kind of interview like this, I'm sure Obama supporters would have some critical things to say about McCain and Palin that may look a bit fanatical.  Still, their rants would probably have something grounded in things that they did or did not do.  It would have nothing to do with what their ethnic background was nor with what their name sounds like.  

This video is downright disgusting.  I'd almost classify it as NSFW because it'll just leave you in a foul mood for the rest of the workday.  Be sure your desk is free of things to throw at your monitor before viewing:

At some point the publicity isn't going to be good for her...

It's been awhile since I ragged on Michelle Wie, but her insistence that she's good enough to play on the men's PGA tour despite the fact that she still hasn't won a professional tournament EVER against men or women, just begs for constant ridicule. I felt validated by reading Annika Sorenstam's latest remarks about her, too:

"You know, I really don't know why Michelle continues to do this," Sorenstam said. "I mean, we have a major this week, and if you can't qualify for a major, I don't see any reason why you should play with the men."

And why didn't Wie qualify? Because she failed to do a simple thing--she forgot to sign her scorecard.

Homophobia gone terribly wrong...

Some religious right wing group called the American Family Association goes to great lengths to protect its readership from demonic temptations by blocking traffic from websites it deems inappropriate and to even expose secretive words for what they really are by automatically replacing them in any AP stories they run. As a result, we now know that American world track and field star Tyson Gay is actually a damn homosexual! I mean, c'mon, it's his damn name! Tyson Homosexual! I can't believe he's been pulling the wool over our American eyes this whole time. From Right Wing Watch:

Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic trials
Tyson Homosexual easily won his semifinal for the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials and seemed to save something for the final later Sunday.

Apparently, Fox News does a similar thing, except instead of "suicide bombers," they become "homicide bombers."

Seriously?

I may be the only one of Kool-Aid Gang who actually watches Grey's Anatomy, in which case the mild humor of the title of this post will be lost on most of you. It's actually Lemon's favorite show (she even likes it more than 30 Rock), which gives me an easy excuse to watch girlie television such as this.

Most of the time, I kind of roll my eyes, though, at all the preposterous story lines they come up with. It makes ER seem down right boring at times. Add to the fact, I can't understand why surgical residents seem to be taking care of every problem that enters fictional Seattle Grace Hospital whether it be guy encased in concrete or lady with a simple cough.

Anywho, where was I? Oh yeah. So Katherine Heigl is one of the rising stars that came out of this show, having essentially broken out into the big screen with Knocked Up. Unfortunately, with all the success she had with that film, she ended up badmouthing the movie for it's portrayal of women as humorless. That seemed a bit in poor taste, considering the movie was what has now made her a bankable movie star. Now comes this latest slap in the face to those that led her to her fame. Apparently, she felt that despite the lousy scriptwriting this season, her acting was of such high caliber that she had to make sure she removed herself from Emmy contention so as not to steal the award from someone else:

"I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization" decided against competing, Heigl said in a written statement provided by her publicist, Melissa Kates, who was contacted by the AP.

"In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials," added Heigl. She plays Dr. Izzie Stevens on "Grey's Anatomy," which slipped in the ratings this past season but remained a top 10 show.

Man, talk about an inflated ego. I remember when Bill Cosby used to remove himself from contention every year. Of course, that was after he kept winning. In comparison, Heigl won one Emmy for a supporting role--ONE!

"A heartwarming story" from my e-mail inbox today...

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through th e Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Never bring a gun to a place infested with mosquitoes...

I'm not sure if I should laugh or be scared by the fact that idiots like this have guns lying around in their homes. From The Dallas Morning News:

A Fort Worth man trying to scratch an itch on his back used a revolver and accidentally shot himself.

Jorge Espinal, 44, was drinking beer and playing poker around 3 a.m. Sunday in his home in the 3500 block of Montague Street, when he got up from the table and walked into another room, said Fort Worth police Lt. Kenneth Dean.

“He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of, which was a revolver,” Lt. Dean said. “The gun went off."

Mr. Espinal went back and told his buddies that he shot himself. “They didn’t believe him until they saw the blood coming down his back,” Lt. Dean said.

Mr. Espinal was taken to an area hospital, where he was treated and released with non-life-threatening injuries.

Lucky for him he didn't have jock itch.

What not to wear...

I saw this photo comparison on a blog somewhere.  If you're ever a governor caught in an illicit affair or sex scandal, take a cue from Eliot Spitzer from New York or James McGreevey from New Jersey.  Dark grey suit, red striped tie, wife by your side in tranquil blue jacket and pearls, wimpering upturned lower lip.  Yup.  Works every time.

Ever have those days where you just need a beer ...

... or two?

Sometimes I wonder about who to feel sorry for in situations like this. I feel for the guy, but at the same time can you really be that oblivious to what your girlfriend thinks? The answer is easily yes, because I know that I have thought I had it all together before, and the smack across my face was really good for me in the end. My first thought is to not feel sorry for the girl, but then she has to live with being known as Ms. Rejection for a long time.

"I've Got Mouths to Feed" ...

This is how I remember the quote from former NBA player Latrell Sprewell a few years back when he balked at a $21 million contract offer he received. ESPN has the actual quote as, "I've got a family to feed." Regardless of the actual wording, I remember sitting around with my buddies talking about the sheer ignorance and audacity that he had to say such a thing.

I am not one to believe in Karma, but often times when something happens that others would call Karma I do end up with a little bit of satisfaction. I just read that his 70 foot $1.5 million yacht is being siezed because his house is in foreclosure. What is crazy about his statement is that nobody else offered him another deal and when he turned down the $21 million dollar contract he never played again in the NBA. How is it you go from having mouths to feed to all of a sudden not having mouths to feed? Well this is a stupid question on my part because the reality is that he shouldn't have said those things in the first place. He should have just said its not worth my time. The sad part is that it obviously was worth his time to keep playing because he might not be able to feed his own mouth in the near future.

Kirstie Alley and Kelly Preston to the rescue...

I tend to get bothered by celebrities mouthing off about the evils of modern science, when most of the time they have no idea what in the heck they're talking about.  Put on a bonafide person with a respectable degree who's actually dug into the research from peer-reviewed literature instead of someone who's had a few superficial conversations with anecdotal cases and gained most of their "scientific" knowledge from Wikipedia, and I might listen.  March out on the street yelling and waving inflammatory signs with statements that have absolutely no merit, and I just want to throw an egg at you.  

Most of the time, I think the fanatic wackiness of Scientology is overblown and feel like everyone should just leave them alone.  But then, I see crap like this:

It's one thing to demand the medical community investigate possible links of anti-depressive medications to suicidal ideation.  It's quite another to insinuate psychiatrists are drug dealers and kid killers.  Kirstie Alley's kid looks depressed just having to march with this group of bozos.

The decline of world IQ can be supplemented by Wikipedia...

I know reading has been on the decline worldwide, and even I haven't actually read Vladimir Nabokov's classic novel or the Stanley Kubrick film adaptation, but surely the name Lolita conjures up a slightly creepy pedophilic image in most people's heads.  Maybe not:

Woolworths has withdrawn bedroom furniture for young girls bearing the sexually charged name Lolita after a campaign waged by a mothers’ online chat room.

The Lolita Midsleeper Combi, a whitewashed wooden bed with pull-out desk and cupboard intended for girls aged about 6, was on sale on the Woolworths website for £395.

At first I thought this was probably some trendy sales ploy, as if the company was trying to be provocative to make some sort of statement. Alas, it was merely the result of a bunch of idiots in their marketing department:

Whereas many mothers were familiar with Vladimir Nabokov and his famous novel, it seems that the Woolworths staff were not. At first they were baffled by the fuss. A spokesman for the company told The Times: “What seems to have happened is the staff who run the website had never heard of Lolita, and to be honest no one else here had either. We had to look it up on Wikipedia. But we certainly know who she is now.”

Of course, that's not even the most alarming thing:

In 2006 Tesco was removed its pole-dancing kit from the toys and games section of its website after it was accused of destroying children’s innocence.

It got me thinking, though--have any of you ever met anyone named Lolita?  Would you be a bad parent if you named your daughter that?

If she had been wearing a pair of those adidas sneakers, I'll bet they would have let her in...

I found this audition for American Idol rather humorous, but then felt rather sad for this young girl.  Why must we all judge each other by outer appearances? Why must we all be hip and cool to be accepted in this world? Why can't we all just run around as our favorite Star Wars character? Is it jealousy that I empathize with her so much?  Is it my inner Star Wars dorkness yearning to be let out just as she has let her own spring free for the entire world to see? 

Who am I kidding?  She was just GOOFY! Ten bucks says she makes a cameo appearance at some MTV awards show later in the year.

They just don't make fight sequences like this anymore...

I guess this video will remind you of the importance of proper eye protection.  I especially like the quip at the end:

Evel Knievel may be dead, but his spirit lives on...

Rednecks, a Suzuki Sidekick, a mound of dirt, and beer--sounds like a formula for disaster.  A little NSFW due to some cussing:

Someone's got a wee bit of an anger management problem...

I'm not sure why, but I found this video of a confrontation with Bobby Knight during dove hunting season pretty funny, especially the way the guy holding the camera reminds us, "It's on feeilm."  If you listen carefully, Knight's buddy actually fesses up that he might have shot in the general direction of this guy's house, which gets lost in the coach's usual tirade.

Luckily, no foldable chairs were available in the back of the pickup.

The most awesome rendition of the Star Wars theme ever...

Oh, words cannot describe what I thought of this lady's version of Star Wars: