Monday, September 14, 2009
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Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
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THE ONION
- Pregnant Women Turned Away From ERs Despite Federal Law
- Coworker Asks If Woman Interested In Reliving Childhood Trauma On Work Volleyball Team
- Hormel Introduces New Chili Formula For Mothers Who Can’t Produce Own Chili
- Study Finds Repeatedly Patting Thighs Still Remains Best Way To Get Sat On
- Trump Campaign Hacked By Iran
THE NEW YORK TIMES
- Chemours, DuPont and Corteva Settle $875 Million New Jersey PFAS Claims
- Tensions Flare Between Two Federal Agencies Charged With Aviation Safety
- After Trump’s Firing of BLS Commissioner, Republicans Fall in Line With His Criticism
- How Is the Montana Shooting Suspect Still at Large? Check Out the Terrain.
- FEMA Will Deny Grants to States and Cities That Boycott Israeli Companies
ESPN
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