If Jesus walked the Earth today, perhaps he'd be turning water into beer...

As most of you know, my church upbringing as a child was in the Southern Baptist denomination. Overall, I think this was a relatively good foundation from which to build my personal views of ethics and values, but in some ways the stereotypical Baptist conventions can also be viewed as too restrictive and judgmental. Perhaps the most controversial of these tenets is that absolute abstinence of alcohol is required in the eyes of God.

I understand the principle behind this the context of alcohol reducing one's inhibitions to the point of acting upon ones baser desires instead of focusing on the path of the Lord. And watching any edition of Girls Gone Wild or hanging out at a typical frat party in college would certainly support this view. Proponents of a complete abstinence from alcohol typically cite numerous passages from the Bible warning about its dangers. They'll say that the "wine" used in biblical times was merely a way to sanitize water, and probably didn't even have near the amount of actual alcohol today's versions of wine have. From my recollections, though, the passages from the Bible that "forbid" alcohol, merely warn against drunkeness, or drinking to extremes. I'm not sure it explicitly addresses moderate drinking.

I would argue that drinking amongst friends in moderation can be a good thing, as some of the inhibitions we have aren't necessarily there for good reasons. A little alcohol sometimes helps to "loosen things up" a bit, at least to the point that one can feel comfortable enough to share some deep inner thoughts without the brain being fearful that whatever comes out will be overscrutinized and judged in a negative way. This is not necessarily related to the direct biological effects alcohol has on the brain, but perhaps may simply be a result of sharing in a social activity that promotes hanging out and having a conversation. Central to a church is a sense of community, and being able to discuss issues honestly and openly with each other in a lucid manner is perhaps what's lacking in some of the more strict Christian communities these days. In other words, sharing a beer or a bottle of wine amongst friends can actually be a good thing.

I wonder if the Southern Baptist Convention sometimes loses sight of these things. The fear of alcohol at times is so engrained into their being that they'll shun anything even remotely related to alcohol, as was done with water donations from Anheuser-Busch during hurricane relief efforts. It seems that it's human to delve into territories that are potentially dangerous, but may say a lot about man's self-control and connection with God when he can enjoy these things in a responsible manner in a way that treats such pleasures as gifts to be thankful for rather than sinful delights to be shunned out of existence.

With that, I wasn't sure what to think about this article recently in The St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Picnics and coffeehouses used to be the typical gathering places outside of the church, but it seems one church here in town is making the brewpub the new location for ministry:

Theology at the Bottleworks is run by a wildly successful congregation of young St. Louisans called The Journey. The Schlafly program is part of the church's outreach ministry. And it works.

Every month dozens show up at the brewpub to drink beer and talk about issues ranging from racism in St. Louis to modern art controversies to the debate about embryonic stem cell research. First-timers are invited to check out the church on Sunday, and Journey leaders say many have. Theology at the Bottleworks is just one of The Journey's ministries, but it has helped the church grow from 30 members in late 2002 to 1,300 today.

The Missouri Baptist Convention donated $200,000 to this church to help them buy and renovate an old Catholic church to be their new home, so you can guess there's a bit of friction in regards to their "beer ministry."

It's an interesting idea, and one that would at least make me a bit more curious about this church. Tolerance is never a bad thing (and Schlafly beer isn't too shabby either).

And here I thought sea lions just slept all day long...

I came across this story on The Seattle Times website today about the possible deployment of Navy-trained sea lions and dolphins to Pugent Sound to bolster security of the naval station up there. I was aware that a U.S. Navy Marine Mammal Program existed, but always thought this was more of a research-only group. Apparently, though, these animals have been deployed all over the world and do a pretty effective job of locating sea mines, divers, and other suspicious objects.

Now if only I could borrow one of them to help find all that loose change I dropped in the pool last summer.

Stirring the Soul

Often times it is easy to get discouraged, and to let your dreams just fade into the background. Once that has happened for me I just sort of wade through life until something inspirational stirs my soul and awakens the dreams again. So to keep this from happening, I am making a list of the things that I find that wake my soul up and get it excited so that I can resort to them when I get discouraged. A few from my list would include the movie Braveheart (as well as the soundtrack), staring at campfire, and reading Hebrews 11. The list goes on, but I would like to know what inspires you? What stirs your soul awake?

HD DVD Formats

How many of you remember beta from the 80's. If you were a hi-fi kind of person back then, then you might remember that beta was the better quality at-home movie-watching and recording media format. While it was a much better quality, VHS won out. Why would such a thing happen? How come? Some of us here at the blog might immediately respond with Physics as the answer. Well believe it or not, I can actually say that answer would be correct ... if Rathna was your teacher. It is all about an orgy. The porn industry decided that VHS was going to be there choice for format and the rest is history.

Based on that history you may want to know that the porn industry has chosen Blue Ray to be there format of choice for high definition. (High definition porn is a scary thought.) So maybe your decision has been made for you.

A little something I'd like to have ...

In an effort to fill some of the blog slack that Swany spoke of, I have decided to share with everyone something that I hope to have some day.

Some of you may know that I have started trading in the stock market, but what you might not know is that there is a whole niche of computers and monitor set-ups for traders. What you are seeing above is something that I could actually put to use right away. At a large price tag, though, that won't be happening anytime soon. It will happen though.

Talk about major LEGO back...

Perhaps while you're waiting for that new Boba Fett television show to come out in two years, you can start putting together this Ultimate Millennium Falcon. It's only a mere $500 and has 5195 pieces, "the biggest LEGO set ever made."

With my LEGO IQ, it might actually take me two years to assemble this thing, but I figure Firecracker George could put this sucker together in a day. He might even be able to cut that down to an afternoon if you give him some Danger Mouse, Transformers, and G.I. Joe reruns to watch.

Another year or two in a galaxy far, far away...

A sneak peek at the New York Toy Fair this week of what the future of a certain sci-fi license holds. I may have to put myself in carbonite to wait that long. For several years now there were rumours of a planned Boba Fett heavy TV show set in between Episode 3 and Episode 4. I'd say that might just be more then a rumour now. Oh, my Star Wars Boba Fett collector cup runneth over!

Do the Pingu...

Looking back at my archives, I've been a bit lax this month on the blog in comparison to other months such as September when we maxed out at 101 posts. Perhaps I'm a bit blogged out or maybe I just have nothing that important going on so that I don't feel compelled to procrastinate as much. Whatever the case may be, I've got a bit of writer's block, and will resort to a video today to insure that your week will be filled with an annoying song (unless you're two) playing over and over again in your brain. Just try and get it out of your head. I dare you! And, yes, that is the Hoff singing:

From now on, please refer to me as the Artist Formerly Known As Scootypuff jr.

During my past ten years of goofing off in the realm formerly known as cyberspace (notice that name has gone into disuse?), I've adopted several nom de keyboards, usually taken from whatever was tickling my funny bone at the time. Because of this, I've developed a form of internet personality disorder, and I'm losing track of who said what where. Was it Blue Fugate on AIM? Was it Spice Weasel on CoX? Was it Scootypuff jr. on the Kool-Aid blog? It's all oh so confusing.

So in an effort to integrate my multiple user personalities, I'm adopting a single screen name. I'd go see a psychiatrist instead, but I don't have health insurance.

If you mourn the passing of Scootypuff jr., please know that I think you're friggin' nuts. It's still me, guys.

As a friend recently said, "God knows us by our hearts, not our names."

The Internet is so cool...

I think I will be thanking W.M. Scratch for years to come for clueing me into Pop Candy. Just when I was feeling like I was reaching a drought into finding new music, Whitney Matheson from Pop Candy comes along with yet another gem from the Internet. Called finetune, this website allows users to listen to all kinds of music and create playlists to share.

I actually stuck a finetune player into the sidebar, and could envision putting separate ones for each member of the Kool-Aid Gang, although I don't know if that would create some massive load time problem for the blog. The only downside to this is that you have to put 45 songs on your playlist, which is why the current selections on my player are a bit scatterbrained--I let the website pick the majority of my current list.

Anywho, take a look around on the site, and let me know what you guys think. I may finally be able to be as hip and cool as Wander in my musical selections yet!

Star Wars and Lost...

Anyone catch the return of Lost from hiatus last night? Actually, I guess I'm only typing to Wild Willie--I've gotten the impression that he's the only one reading this blog that watches the show, and even his interest sounded like it was waning.

Overall, I was a bit underwhelmed, but always leave it to a quick quip from Sawyer to salvage it:

I can't believe you fell for the wookie prisoner gag!

Reading around on some of the Lost discussion sites, someone even pointed out that apparently Princess Leia's detention block number of AA23 in Star Wars matched up with "Cheech's" prison room number of 23 in the show last night. Nice.

Hold on to your crotch, 'cause this is gonna hurt...

Hmmm. I actually posted this a couple of hours ago, but it's not on the blog. Considering I did this at work, I'm kind of worried as to where the original went. Probably accidentally sent it off to my boss or something. Anywho...

I was sitting in the break area eating my lunch today. Instead of the usual Time, People, Redbook, Entertainment Weekly, etc. that's usually scattered across typical break rooms across the land, mine has scientific journals. So today I flipped open an issue of Nature that was on my table to read up on the latest scientific advancements, and stopped at an article describing a study to determine how earwigs decide which of their two penises to use. Yes, two penises. Apparently, this isn't as uncommon a phenomenon as you would think, as various species of arthropods and spiders have dual members. But how do they decide which one to use with the ladies? If you're a certain species of spider, well, you just eat one!

I hope that booger pizzas invoke much fear.

This might get Scooty all excited, but my guess is that he has little clue.

Every so often I get to help a kid with his homework. This last Monday was one of those days. I got to help a 4th grader separate words into diphthongs and digraphs. Fortunately, he had the answers from class. Unfortunately, he had no idea what either meant. I had only a little clue about diphthongs, and no clue about digraphs. Plus my little clue about a diphthong stopped with only having heard the word before.

Well, something you should know about me is that I like to know stuff. My sister loves to refer to me as a Sabe La Todo (it is ironic that I do not know how if Spanish phrase is spelled correctly). Not knowing what something means usually requires me to find out the meaning - but only if I can find out with little effort. As a kid this meant asking my parents what something meant. They would either tell me (which would also include making up an answer that I would believe), or they would tell me to go look it up and return with the answer for them as well. Things have not changed much since being a little kid. The only difference is that Wikipedia has now replaced my folks. Wikipedia responds the same way though. It either knows the answer (which would also include made up answers that I believe), or it tells me to go find the answer somewhere else and bring it back to make an entry on the site.

Luckily, little effort was spent because little miss Wiki had the answer for me. I even found out some really fun stuff about voiceless postalveolar affricates and voiceless labiodental fricatives (which all this time I really thought was men quietly using nature's own dental floss). What I want to know is if you know what a diphthong or digraph is without looking it up first? Does your elementary education stand up to the test?

A little blog update...

Here at The Life and Times of Chester Cheetah and the Kool-Aid Gang we like to promote procrastination, but not time wasting. It occurred to me that some of you may still obsessively check back into the website multiple times during the day expending precious seconds/minutes/hours that could have been spent surfing other sites/blogging/playing video games/playing with yourself and wondering if someone validated what you thought was a rather humorous piece of writing.

Well, I thought I'd throw in a "Recent Comments" section to the sidebar, just so you don't miss any comments responding to posts that are months old. Alternatively, you can subscribe to the RSS feed both for new posts and for new comments.

And I thought the garbage problem on terra firma was bad...

I just assumed all the scolding of China about their antisatellite missile test last month was just the U.S. and other countries getting worried that Chinese military technology was getting advanced enough to challenge American weaponry. It never occurred to me to think about all the extra space debris that explosion caused. As reported in The New York Times:

In the last decade or so, as scientists came to agree that the number of objects in orbit had surpassed a critical mass — or, in their terms, the critical spatial density, the point at which a chain reaction becomes inevitable — they grew more anxious.

Early this year, after a half-century of growth, the federal list of detectable objects (four inches wide or larger) reached 10,000, including dead satellites, spent rocket stages, a camera, a hand tool and junkyards of whirling debris left over from chance explosions and destructive tests.

Now, experts say, China’s test on Jan. 11 of an antisatellite rocket that shattered an old satellite into hundreds of large fragments means the chain reaction will most likely start sooner. If their predictions are right, the cascade could put billions of dollars’ worth of advanced satellites at risk and eventually threaten to limit humanity’s reach for the stars.

Federal and private experts say that early estimates of 800 pieces of detectable debris from the shattering of the satellite will grow to nearly 1,000 as observations continue by tracking radars and space cameras. At either number, it is the worst such episode in space history.

A timely video in response to Wild Willie's last post...

If Wild Willie does the "shampoo mohawk," I'm sure he does the "shake wiener at wife and yell WOO-WOO," too. Heck, I do it (and get the same indifferent reaction from my wife).

Flirting with Danger?

Sometimes I like to flirt with danger. I flirt by speeding, not just a little, but a whole lot for a short period of time. I run red lights that I have been sitting at and find useless. I run with scissors. I have thought about eating radioactive squirrels (supposedly the EPA sent out a report to certain southern states that people should not eat squirrels because they may be radioactive). And I even let pokey Joe go without a hat every once and a while.

And I flirt with danger now. I have maintained a secret identity so far on this blog, but every now and then I must let out a little piece of it (aka MUD! - I am not the one on the bike). In this case it is another picture, but you must know that if you look at it you too will be flirting with danger because that is part of my name - Wildly Dangerous Willie (see fifth example above).

If only I had knew this in high school, I could have gotten out of calculus using a religious exemption...

I knew L. Ron Hubbard, the father of Scientology, was a little kooky, but I had no idea he had such views on calculus:

Now I hope you understand this, because I've never been able to make head nor tail of it. It must be some sort of a Black Magic operation, started out by the Luce cult -- some immoral people who are operating up in New York City, Rockefeller Plaza -- been thoroughly condemned by the whole society. Anyway, their rate-of-change theory -- I've never seen any use for that mathematics, by the way -- I love that mathematics, because it -- I asked an engineer, one time, who was in his 6th year of engineering, if he'd ever used Calculus, and he told me yeah, once, once I did, he said. When did you use it? And he said I used it once. Let me see, what did you use it on? Oh yeah. Something on the rate-of-change of steam particles in boilers. And then we went out and tested it and found the answer was wrong.

I'm now waiting for Tom Cruise to start a public outcry against NASA because of their reliance on calculus and other "bad" mathematics principles to launch vehicles into space.

I guess this is what you say when you try and make excuses about your shortcomings in science and math:

From 1930 to 1932 he attended George Washington University in Washington, D.C. Although Hubbard would later claim advanced degrees in the sciences and in civil engineering, his first year grade average was a D (below average). His second and final year was no better; he received a D in calculus and electrical and magnetic physics, and an F (failing) for molecular and atomic physics. He had no further formal education.

Alright. Enough bashing for one day.

Personally, I think I use calculus everyday, although a computer calculates the area under the curve for me. I'm not sure I even remember how to do this stuff on my own with paper and pencil anymore.

Whoa! Talk about serious vertigo...

Last week, I TiVo'd a three part series on the Discovery Channel called 2057, a special looking into what technology might look like in 50 years, and how it will integrate into every part of our daily lives. I've only gotten through the first episode dealing with the body, but I've got to say it's really cool (or quite scary if you're paranoid about Big Brother). Sensors built into everything from your clothing to even your toilet to monitor your health. Actual printers (yes, printers) that can essentially print you a new organ. Flying ambulances that pick you up in an emergency equipped with the ability to pull out all your blood and replace it with supercooled fluid to basically put you in suspended animation until you can be treated in the hospital.

The rest of the series deals with city life and the world--how we communicate, how we travel, etc. I'm actually looking forward to what they say about space elevators, because the idea of basically a ribbon of cable tethered to the ground and extending all the way into space seems so bizarre. This will make those romantic trips up some mountain in the Rockies down right tame. Just don't forget anything on the space station before you go back down.

I am how old, again? And are you an expert?

This last week I had the opportunity to open up my wallet and in return find out how old I am. I went through some physical tests that showed my true body age to be 34. Not too bad but it would be nicer if my body age was my actual chronological age. But then I was also told that I could achieve a body age of 22 by doing various things relating to my health. I can improve my weight, eating habits, and flexibility to name a few.

The tests measured all sorts of things, but was designed around telling you how many toxins you have in your body based on your excess water weight. It was all very convincing and scientific sounding. The quick rundown is that your body uses your liver to rid itself of toxins, but when the liver gets overworked it sends the toxins back into your body to be removed later. The toxins get stored around fat cells which then get surrounded by water to protect your body from the stored toxins. Essentially, those fat cells surrounded by water are there to stay until your liver can get back to normal functioning. This becomes weight that you cannot get rid of unless you rid yourself of the toxins in the liver. This is why you see the push for detox diets, foods, supplements, etc. in health stores today. I am inclined through my logic and scientific thinking that this is mostly believable.

We get these toxins from the air, food, water, medicines, stress, and skin. I can believe all of them, but the last one - skin - I at least have to question. I was told by the fitness "expert" that we absorb toxins through our skin. We get it from shampoo, lotions, sunblock, soap, etc. I can believe this, but I still have to raise the question, how much can our skin really absorb? Her take was that if you can sweat out toxins, then the other has to be true that you can absorb them?

I am not here to say that our skin cannot absorb stuff, but my fear is that so many people out there hear something like this and immediately believe it. If you think about how many personal trainers and fitness experts there are, it can be kind of scary to think how much misinformation they could spread. I cannot contract viruses through my skin can I? Can I absorb water through my skin? I could go on and on asking these sorts of questions.

I guess though that ultimately she was doing what she has been trained by the world to do - sell you the fear so she can sell you the product ... for only $308. I am glad I am not a sucker. Now let me get back to my detox green tea and my organic cereal and milk.

Have you guys ever seen this?

When you have nothing to lose, why not?

A true master having some fun...

I don't know if you all had a chance to see The Departed yet, but this little tidbit will make me go see it again for completely different reasons then the fact that it was the best movie of 2006.

First, I had no idea that Brian De Palma's Scarface starring Al Pacino was actually an updated remake of a film by the same name from the 1930's directed by Howard Hughes. As you can guess by Martin Scorcese's previous movie The Aviator, he's pretty intrigued by Howard Hughes, so much so that he incorporated X's throughout The Departed in homage to the original Scarface.

Read more here to find out more about the X's and to see more examples.

Frackity, frack, frack, frack!

I just had to comment about what a surprise last Sunday's episode of Battlestar Galactica was. I had actually gotten pretty tired of the whole Dee/Lee/Starbuck/Anders love rectangle storyline, and was not looking forward to this show as much as I typically do after seeing the previews. Then I saw "Directed by Edward James Olmos" during the opening credits, and thought, "Hmmm. This might actually be good."

The intercuts between Baltar's mental torture and Apollo battling his own inner conflict seemed to really work in a way that I wasn't expecting. About the only thing I didn't like about the show was all the "Frack, frack, frack" being yelled out. Not that I'm opposed to a little cussing, but sometimes I hear "frack" and kind of feel like a total science fiction nerd.

I don't know if any of you ever listen to Ronald D. Moore's podcast commentaries about each episode, but I usually download it to my iPod every week and listen to it on my way to and from work. Apparently, "Taking a Break From All Your Worries" was supposed to focus more on the bar and be kind of a light, comedic episode, as suggested by the title's reference to Cheers. Considering how dark this episode turned out, that's a huge shock.

I don't know why I, like, watch this show, but like, I do...

Normally, I secretly find some amusement in my wife's so-called chick shows. I don't object to watching Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, or even a few episodes from her complete Sex and the City DVD collection. But I thought I might have to draw the line at her most recent guilty pleasure, MTV's The Hills, a reality show following the trials and tribulations of Lauren Conrad and her friends as they struggle to "make it" in the real world environment of Teen Vogue and the Los Angeles social scene. Actually, "real world" is probably stretching things a bit, but I guess this is the harsh reality of life for some people--driving around in fancy cars, eating at fancy restauraunts, shopping at fancy stores, scmoozing at fancy clubs, living in fancy beach houses for the summer, and all the while struggling to understand why the world is so cruel because your boyfriend just doesn't, like, get you.

I sat next to her while she watched the season premiere thinking I'd be bored out of my mind. Then I laughed. And kept laughing. I'm not sure it's really good of me to be making fun of those with IQ's that border on mental retardation, but I swear this show fulfills every known stereotype you ever heard about blonde women. Then again, it could all be a hoax, and their IQ's are probably somewhere in the genius range, for all I know. Perhaps the best part of the show isn't the women at all, but the men they hook up with, and the things these guys get away with. They use some of the cheesiest pick up lines ever known, AND THEY WORK! I guess that's what the power of money can do.

Actually, I think this show should be required viewing for all teenage boys and girls on how not to be when they become young adults. Or perhaps I'm just jealous that lines like [using best So-Cal surfer dude accent], "There's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be than with you, right here, right now, drinking the best margaritas at this table at my most favorite Mexican restaurant in the universe," don't seem to get my woman all hot and bothered.

Uh, I go there for the cappucinos. Honest. That's all...

Most of you know that I like my espresso. It's become a staple of my diet alongside bread and water, and I probably visit a cafe or coffee bar at least three times a week. At peak times during the morning, this can be a somewhat hectic ordeal, but having a pretty and flirty barista (or handsome and charming one, for the lady readers) to take your order can sometimes partially salvage what was going to be a really lousy experience.

Admitting that, I guess it's no surprise that in the cutthroat coffee competition that exists in Seattle, a few coffee shops would recognize this, turn it up a notch, and use a little sex appeal to sell a cup o' joe:

Hot is not the half of it. To stand apart from the hordes of drive-through espresso stands that clutter the Northwest's roadsides, commuter coffee stops such as Tukwila's Cowgirls Espresso are adding bodacious baristas, flirty service and ever more-revealing outfits to the menu.

At Port Orchard's Natté Latté, baristas sport hot-pink hot pants and tight white tank tops. Day-of-the-week theme outfits ranging from racy lingerie to "fetish" ensembles are the dress code at Moka Girls Espresso in Auburn and at several Cowgirls Espresso stands in the area. Bikini tops are the special at Café Lorraine on Highway 9 in Woodinville, and the women of The Sweet Spot in Shoreline pose provocatively in Playmate-style profiles on the stand's Web site.

I'm just wondering if the coffee is actually any good.

Hmmm, Let Me Get Out My Grading Key

Some of you may be happy to hear that I turned my eHarmony account back on and have been doing the do. So far (just a few days) it's like it used to be; I get a bunch of possibles, many of them so ugly that they could scare buzzards off a carcass. But lo and behold, this time I've gotten some good cards in the form of some cuties that aren't Scientologists or some other brand of mental illness. In fact, out of the top four likely candidates for the position of future Mrs. Scootypuff jr., there are three lawyers and a doctor. Score!

Now, as I mentioned so many moons ago, the process of eHarmony is you read a bio and hopefully see a picture. If the bio doesn't contain phrases such as "I blame the Jews" or the picture doesn't look like someone's snapshots from a day at the zoo, I send them five multiple choice questions and wait for a response. My battery of questions are:

1. Which of the following marriage issues do you fear most?

A) fear of growing apart
B) fear of marrying the wrong person
C) fear of becoming "your parents"
D) fear of being hurt

2. What best describes your parents' relationship towards each other:

A) married and loving
B) married but distant
C) divorced and civil
D) divorced and abusive

3. On Saturday night, would you rather go to:

A) ballet/theater/symphony
B) a professional sporting event
C) a popular new movie
D) the latest dance club
E) any of the above except for b

4. What style of dress do you prefer?

A) I like to get dressed up
B) I like to dress casual
C) I dress for the occasion
D) I wear whatever is clean

5. Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when involved in a relationship?

A) Sure, I love to hold hands, hug and give casual kisses.
B) I'm moderately affectionate. I like to hold hands and exchange hugs.
C) I do like a small amount of physical affection.
D) I don't consider myself a very physically affectionate person.

Now the correct answers - meaning the ones I most want to hear - are as follows:

1. Which of the following marriage issues do you fear most?

A) fear of growing apart
B) fear of marrying the wrong person
C) fear of becoming "your parents"
D) fear of being hurt

Why B you might ask? Because that's the mistake I made. I can accept C, although I don't really understand it. For anyone who answers A, they obviously don't understand that is something that people have complete control over if they married well. Anyone answering D gets closed. Go back to your Tiger Beat magazine, girly. I have no time for you.

2. What best describes your parents' relationship towards each other:

A) married and loving
B) married but distant
C) divorced and civil
D) divorced and abusive

The answer I hope to receive is of course A, though only D gives me pause.

3. On Saturday night, would you rather go to:

A) ballet/theater/symphony
B) a professional sporting event
C) a popular new movie
D) the latest dance club

I get B way too often. This isn’t a deal breaker, but it makes me knit my brow. Of the four choices presented, C is the best response, but with all questions one can write in an answer. This becomes important later in my report.

4. What style of dress do you prefer?

A) I like to get dressed up
B) I like to dress casual
C) I dress for the occasion
D) I wear whatever is clean

The only correct answer here is C. I make gas face at women who have to get all dolled up just to go out and get the mail, just as I do with women who wear sweat pants everywhere they go.

5. Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when involved in a relationship?

A) Sure, I love to hold hands, hug and give casual kisses.
B) I'm moderately affectionate. I like to hold hands and exchange hugs.
C) I do like a small amount of physical affection.
D) I don't consider myself a very physically affectionate person.

Again, the only correct answer here is A. Love me, rub me, kiss me, tickle me, and I’ll do the same to you. We won’t be making out at funerals, but if you flip out because we’re holding hands in public, I have no time for you.

So, having developed a well defined answer key, I was happy to receive this response from the cutest of the cute that I am currently e-wooing.

1. Which of the following marriage issues do you fear most?
B) fear of marrying the wrong person

2. What best describes your parents' relationship towards each other:
B) married but distant

3. On Saturday night, would you rather go to:
E) any of the above except for b

4. What style of dress do you prefer?
C) I dress for the occasion

5. Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when involved in a relationship?
A) Sure, I love to hold hands, hug and give casual kisses.

SCORE! Four out of five, and the one "wrong" answer was the least important. And even though I identified C) a popular new movie as the correct answer for question 3, the real answer is to write-in E) any of the above except for b. Holy cats! She answered the trick question correctly! Scootypuff jr. is pleased. Yes, very pleased indeed.

Watch this space for further updates.

Smokin' Aces

Tellulah and I went to see the film Smokin' Aces last night. It is violent, drug filled, obscenity laced, over the top, and one of the few films I've walked out of the theater thinking 'God, I wish I had written that.' Granted, with the choices of seeing any of the Oscar nominated films out there I haven't yet seen like Dream Girls, or The Queen, I chose instead a film filled with muzzle flashes says something about my character. But this film is on par with Pulp Fiction and Goodfellas in everyway. The soundtrack is great (already bought it and put it on my IPod) and Jeremy Pivens turns in the role of his career. He is incredible as the burnt out coked up hooker addicted magician mob crime boss turned states evidence. Ben Affleck, who I like but am not by any means crazy about, also turns in a strong, albiet short, performance. Alicia Keys is showing the career she will have to come, and it will be a good one. And Ryan Reynolds (who I've liked since the 'Two Guys A Girl And A Pizza Place' days) and Ray Liotta (who is one of my favorite actors) have great chemistry as two FBI Agent partners. My only complaint is that no trailer I've seen, or commercial on TV, has conveyed the depth, complexity, and nuances of the film. It has all of that and the three chainsaw weilding, red neck hit men called the Tremor Brothers, who as characters are so over the top, so violent, so larger then life, they are almost cartoony... And God I wish I had written them, too.

Bumper cars in the Middle East...

This is apparently a video of a typical day for American soldiers driving through the streets of Iraq in a Humvee. Sort of humorous, at first, but not so funny when you stop to think why they're in such a rush to get through the traffic.

I'm not trying to make you think back to those bad videos we had to watch in science class...

I still have flashbacks of having to draw all these things out for biology exams. Too bad I didn't have cool animations like this to study with:

All I need is a good woman with a big club..

I read this and wondered if my own wife would have stuck around to fend off a mountain lion. Then again, I'm a cheetah, and a really cool cat--I should be able to protect myself. An excerpt from the story:

Although the Hamms are experienced hikers, neither had seen a mountain lion before Jim Hamm was mauled, his wife said. Nell Hamm said she grabbed a four-inch-wide log and beat the animal with it, but it would not release its hold on her husband's head.
"Jim was talking to me all through this, and he said, 'I've got a pen in my pocket and get the pen and jab him in the eye,'" she said. "So I got the pen and tried to put it in his eye, but it didn't want to go in as easy as I thought it would." When the pen bent and became useless, Nell Hamm went back to using the log. The lion eventually let go and, with blood on its snout, stood staring at the woman. She screamed and waved the log until the animal walked away.

Ode to a Flaming Anus

Let's see...

Jalapenos stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped with bacon one night,
Hotwings and beer the next night,
And now I'm catching the jalapenos from my sub sandwich and stuffing them back in.
(Heaven forbid I deny myself any of Nature's Napalm.)

I must unconciously hate my own rectum.

I guess now I'll sit here as I must,
And wait for my butthole to spontaneously combust.

Maybe all those creepy guys wearing polyester suits in the 70's were on to something...

I think the majority of people are convinced that global warming is real. Even the President is promoting an increase in our use of alternative fuels. Although this is being touted as more of a national security issue to absolve our dependence on foreign oil, I'm beginning to think that even the most conservative of Republicans are seeing the weird fluctuations in the weather this winter, and wondering if perhaps this isn't just a natural cycle of the Earth.

An international committee of world science experts are planning to release an official statement next month saying that global warming may be even more catastrophic than previously estimated. As noted in the story, one UK expert says:

The really chilling thing about the IPCC report is that it is the work of several thousand climate experts who have widely differing views about how greenhouse gases will have their effect. Some think they will have a major impact, others a lesser role. Each paragraph of this report was therefore argued over and scrutinised intensely. Only points that were considered indisputable survived this process. This is a very conservative document - that's what makes it so scary.

So what is a country to do? Well, the current American strategy seems to be a promotion of alternative fuels. However, so far, this doesn't seem to be making much of a dent. Some believe that we should be taking an approach that hits everyone where it hurts to make them really understand the impact our stratospheric production of carbon emissions is making on the environment--a carbon tax. Considering the way that the recent jump in gasoline prices seemed to convince everyone over the past couple of years to drive a little less, I think this may make some sense. After all, the crash of GM and Ford in large part due to the lessening demand for SUVs and pickups, is probably more in part to the high price of gas rather than any actual concern about the environment.

Apparently, most of the rest of the industrialized world is doing their part to reduce carbon emissions. In fact, Sweden is apparently one of the world leaders in environmentally friendly industry practices. What strikes me as odd, though, is that this is the country that has brought us megastores like Ikea and H&M, a furniture store and clothing store, respectively, that pride themselves on providing consumers with cheap disposable products that allow you to just buy new things at low prices as trends change with time. How that jives with the environment, I'll never understand.

So what are we to do? If you believe this story from The New York Times, perhaps we should be wearing more polyester. The energy expenditures for a cotton shirt over its lifetime, when you include the electricity needed to wash and dry it, are much higher when you compare it to an equivalent polyester one. Who knew we could be reducing carbon emissions with just a simple change in our clothing material? Now I won't be sweating it out in polyester any time soon, but it does make you think.

Start petitioning now?

A few weeks ago, I read a rumor that Battlestar Galactica wasn't going to get renewed for a fourth season. Someone later posted that this wasn't true, but considering the low ratings it got in its new time slot on Sunday nights, I'm beginning to worry. Even Stargate SG-1 got a higher viewer share. Granted, I've never really watched that show with MacGyver running through interdimensional gateways, but I always got the impression that it sucked.

Hopefully, BSG can turn it around, and survive until the story is complete instead of having to resort to a fan-fueled outcry that finally brought Family Guy back to life. Speaking of which, I really underappreciated Family Guy, and am only now starting to watch it. I think it may even be better than The Simpsons, the new episodes anyway. Even the wife has gotten hooked on the exploits of Brian and Stewie. Sadly, I still cannot convince her to watch BSG. She'll watch cartoons, but not a live-action drama with Oscar-nominated actors and plotlines that speak to her Democrat ideals. Go figure.

How to look like a genius...

I wanted to test out this strategy to solve a Rubik's cube, but I don't know where my old one is.

The end of the Empire...

I didn't watch The State of the Union Address last night, but have read excerpts and summaries here and there on various news websites. Whatever Bush's intelligence is, it really perplexes me as to how the political discourse has become so volatile when the U.S. so needs to find some common ground to rally around. I don't know if this is just a reaction to getting news 24/7 from television and the Internet, or me getting older and paying more attention to what's going on. Regardless, I get the feeling that the State of our Union is really in some dire straits.

I don't know what to think about 20,000 extra troops going into Iraq. I want to feel like it would make a difference, like the U.S. can accomplish what it set out to do in the first place. But it's hard to argue when over half of our political leaders think it can't be done. And who can blame them? The Iraqi governement doesn't even seem to care anymore.

NPR aired a story yesterday about how foreign opinion about the United States is continuing to deteriorate. It seems only a few countries in Africa such as Nigeria and Kenya have any positive thoughts about America.

Anywho, my random thoughts for the day. I'll end with this. Wander wrote a post about Randy Newman, so I thought this op-ed piece in The New York Times by the perennial Oscar-nominated composer would be worth a read. Unfortunately, it seemed to ring too true, and made me quite sad:

The end of an empire is messy at best
And this empire is ending
Like all the rest
Like the Spanish Armada adrift on the sea
We’re adrift in the land of the brave
And the home of the free
Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Cheer up. At least you can say you're smarter than the President. Oh, you already knew that...

Well, looks like George W. Bush isn't a retard, but he isn't that bright either, if you believe these estimations of Presidential IQ.

Keep in mind, though, that Jimmy Carter was the only one on the list who actually had his IQ formally tested and revealed to the public. I'm also a bit skeptical about the validity of this test, considering it was conducted in Scranton, PA. Heck, for all I know, Dwight Schrute was in charge of this.

If man was supposed to fly, we'd be born with wings...

As you all probably know, I hate flying. The long waits at the security checkpoint, the cramped seats in coach, the stale air--these are just some of the small nuisances involved in traveling by air these days. But what really bothers me about flying is the fact that I'm scared sh*tless everytime I'm in an airplane. Maybe it's my fear of heights, the roller coaster ride through bad turbulence, or the thought that the wings could just snap off in mid flight. I mean, if you've ever sat and watched the wings out the window as you fly, has anyone else noticed how much those things seem to bounce up and down? Frightening.

Then I watched a wing load test online done on the Boeing 777. I feel a little better now, although something seems flawed in the way they test wings like this. Seems like you'd need less force if you're making the wing flap up and down as it does in real flight and turbulence as opposed to just one force pulling up on it gradually. I know this isn't exactly civil engineering, but seems there should be some similar principle used in bridge making or something. Any of the engineers out there reading know?

There are aliens among us, and I think they reside in Hollywood...

I saw this picture of Gwen Stefani on some celebrity blog, and thought her choice in eyewear looked oddly familiar.

Then it hit me:


Remember V, that old sci-fi television show from the 80's? Hide your pet mice and parakeets.

Slip and slide...

You can't really tell from the camera angle, but this apparently was taken on a hillside street in Portland, OR. Suddenly, the nice flat roads of West Texas don't seem that bad.

It doesn't take much to make me happy...

This article called "Some Bling for Your Blog" came up on The New York Times today. Who knew such widget libraries like Widgetbox existed? This whole time, I've been trying to fiddle with making my own.

Anywho, expect to find some new things appear and disappear on the sidebar as I experiment with this stuff. And feel free to let me know if you see a widget you'd like included on the blog.

Have you Googled yourself lately ...

There is nothing like having a steady workflow to sidetrack me into other things. Today I happened to be cleaning out a business card holder. The cards went way back to when Fandango was with that company in Naperville. Anyway, like my mind tends to do, I got caught up thinking about some other friends from high school whose cards I came across. So I Googled 'em. Some people showed up on Google's first page. Some didn't show up in the first three pages. I will have you know, though, that our very own Scooty not only showed up on the first page but was every link on the first page. Way to go Scooty!

Of course I didn't show up at all. It seems I might have some serious ninja skills like Swany.

As if taking over the top spot in overall car sales in North America wasn't enough...

Toyota is set to enter NASCAR competition next season with their own stock car based on the ever popular family-friendly sedan, the Camry. At first, I was going to say, "Yawn." But then, I figured this was a good reason for me to drive my Honda Accord wildly around town trying to emulate Dale Earnhardt, Jr. like in that Jay-Z Budweiser commercial/video. After all, if Toyota is successful on the stock car racing circuit, Honda can't be far behind.

Oh wait. He was in a Ferrari 430 getting schooled by Danica Patrick in her Pagani Zonda. Even he was bright enough to know that tooling around in a boring family sedan like a Chevy Monte Carlo isn't all that cool. Never mind. NASCAR still sucks.

Forget the gym! I'm getting a Wii!

Dooood! This guy, who did nothing more than play Nintendo Wii for 30 minutes a day, lost nine pounds and 2% body fat in six weeks! You can even see a plateau he hit around Christmas when he was probably eating more, then the weight loss continues once the holidays are over.

Well, as long as I remember that torture is bad...

I hope someone here caught the four hour season premiere of 24 over the past couple of nights. Kiefer Sutherland went all The Lost Boys nostalgic on us, and started chomping down on necks. And the end to last night's episode? Can you believe they actually...well, I shouldn't give anything away. You can read about it here.

The article above, though, mirrored some thoughts I had about 24 as I was watching it Sunday night. Is it really OK to be watching this as entertainment? This sort of plays into Wander's favorite hot button issue of late, video games and violence. Every living terrorist has probably already thought about how they could use the various devices shown in current and prior seasons of 24, so does it really give anyone any new ideas to show them on television? And does the fact that the show brings out relevant topics to discuss in the public discourse justification enough that I sort of get a twinge of satisfaction when a terrorist gives up major information as he's tortured with a knife being dug into his knee?

24 is an odd show. Republicans love it, as it seems to play into the fears of terrorism that are the highlights of the Fox News Channel, and almost seems to justify every preemptive action the United States has taken in the name of the war on terror. But surprisingly, Dems are watching it in droves, too. Shadow governments, clandestine organizations led by western oil interests pulling the strings on their bumbling puppet President--seems like all that Michael Moore paranoia isn't so far-fetched anymore.

Oh well. I'll keep watching. It's addictive. My only problem, though? Heroes is on at the same time! Crap. Thank goodness for those Friday Heroes reruns on the Sci-Fi Channel.

I tasted Kobe beef, at last!

As the wife and I really had no ties to keep us here in St. Louis for the holidays, we booked a dirt cheap rate on a fancy hotel using Priceline, and spent the Christmas weekend in Chicago last month. The majority of restaurants in the city were closed, as you can imagine, so we drove up to Koreatown to have a Christmas dinner at Chicago Kalbi.

Interestingly, the Chicago Kalbi Korean Restaurant seems to be run by Japanese people, at least, that's the impression I get from all the autographed pictures of Japanese baseball players lining the walls and the Sapporo beer on tap. This place seems to be a frequent stop of Asian ball players whenever they're in town to play the Cubs or the Sox. Considering all the animosity I've heard and read about between Japan and Korea, it's always seemed a bit strange to me that Korean food would be such a hit with the Japanese (or Japanese food being well liked by Koreans, for that matter).

Scootypuff, I'm sure, is well versed in Korean restaurants such as this place. For those of you who haven't been to a Korean BBQ, basically you order a bunch of marinated sliced meats such as beef ribeye, short ribs, pork, chicken or squid that they bring to your table raw. They then put a hot cauldron of burning coals to sit in the center of the table (or at other places, a propane-heated grill), and you cook up your meats to your liking. A huge exhaust fan hangs overhead to try and expel some of the grill smoke, although you'll come out smelling like a barbecue anyway.

Usually, we just order plain old beef in the form of bul-go-gi (marinated slices of ribeye) or kalbi (beef short ribs), but the word "Kobe" caught my eye this time around. I've mentioned the almost legendary properties of Japanese Kobe beef before. Raised in the Japanese region of Kobe, wagyu cattle are said to provide the most succulent form of beef in the world.


Whether it's their diet of high quality grain and beer, the frequent massages, or the baths of sake, the end product is an extremely well marbleized piece of meat that virtually melts in your mouth.
Since this was Christmas, and I've always wanted to actually taste firsthand a sample of Kobe beef to see what all the fuss was about, we decided it was OK to splurge a little, and get the Kobe beef. Unfortunately, the buildup of anticipation in my mind didn't quite live up to the end product. What I had imagined would be a sizable amount of meat, ended up being six wafer-thin slices of beef about the size of a Club cracker. Granted, you could see the marbled fat well distributed throughout each piece, but I thought I could almost put all six slices in my mouth without trouble, and call that one bite.


After searing quickly on the grill, though? Like butter in my mouth. You really don't even have to chew all that much--it's that tender. It wasn't much meat, but what little I got, sure was good. I'm still not quite sure I'm totally convinced it was worth the money, but as good as it tasted, I'll probably be tempted to get some Kobe beef again if I ever come across it in the future. I've seen Kobe beef hamburgers around, but I don't see how that would be any good, considering all the beautiful marbling of the fat would essentially be ground up. But a nice piece of steak? Mmmmmmm!

I'm catching up tomorrow.

I'm going to watch the complete Battlestar Galactic marathon tomorrow. I've even made sure not to schedule any job interviews. I think that might even work to my advantage though, as I've said "I won't be available at all Monday," which may sound like I have more interested parties than I really do.

But nope, I won't be going to the gym or walking the dog or scouring Monster. I'm going to be on the couch in my jammies all day long. If anyone tries to call me, it better be during a commercial.

After this I can stop closing my eyes and putting my hands over my ears whenever I get close to a spoiler.

Sometimes, it's the simple things in life that bring you the most joy...

Some guys at Christmas got high definition widescreen plasma televisions, much sought after Playstation 3's or Nintendo Wii's, razor thin cellphones, luxurious cashmere sweaters, socks.

But for my holiday gift last season, my wife picked me up this ingenious marvel of wood and physics demonstrating the laws of energy, momentum, and gravity. So simple, yet so mesmerizing. Watch it and weep, men. Your Christmas presents pale in comparison:

And just like that, he made North Korea disappear again...

Topics of discussion have seemed kind of tame lately, which surprises me considering the hot button issue of George W. Bush, the masterful illusionist that's been all over the news this week.

As I was driving home, I listened to a brief commentary from Ted Koppel on NPR about President Bush's recent address to the nation regarding his latest "strategy" to provide a surge of American troops into Iraq. Buried about two-thirds of the way into the address are plans to place Patriot missiles and an extra aircraft carrier in the region, which in the context of other statements in the speech about how Iran is undermining the efforts towards a stable government in Iraq, Koppel suggested might be interpreted as early signs that the current administration is laying the groundwork for a war with Iran at some point in the near future.

Considering some of the recent crackdowns on Iranians within Iraq recently, I'm not sure whether to call Ted Koppel brilliant or paranoid.

Beeswax, None Of Yours Incorporated

The Office continues to get better and better every week, as last nights episode well proved. I think the talent they have pulled together both in front of and behind the cameras is magical. And the writing is the best on television right now, in my opinion. But, that's what I would expect from Executive Producer Greg Daniels, who is still considered by many to be the best writer The Simpsons ever had (and he penned my top 3 favorite Simpsons episodes, so I tend to agree). But despite all the utter goodness coming at us week after week, I guess they still had to up the ante. I thought Swany and Willie, in particular, would find this article interesting.

January 11, 2007 - Around Christmas, word spread that none other than J.J. Abrams, the creator of Alias and Lost, and director of Mission: Impossible III, would be directing an episode of The Office. This past week, an additional rumor surfaced, saying that Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel creator Joss Whedon would also be directing an episode of the critically acclaimed comedy. Entertainment Weekly have now reported on their website, ew.com, that their own Dan Snierson has received confirmation from NBC Universal (The Office is of course an NBC show) that the speculation about both Abrams and Whedon is indeed true. Apparently both Abrams' and Whedon's episodes will air "around late February", making them part of the February sweeps period. Already this season, Harold Ramis, director of feature films like Vacation and Groundhog Day, directed an episode of The Office, so apparently there are plenty of big name people in Hollywood interested in working on the series. While developing the new Star Trek film, Abrams continues to produce Lost and What About Brian, but this will be the first television project from Whedon since Angel went off the air in 2004. In fact, it will be Whedon's first non-comic book work of any sort since Serenity, the 2005 movie version of Whedon's television series Firefly.

Hey, Wander! Look what's coming your way in '08...

The 2008 Democratic National Convention will be in Denver.

That's all I had to say.

Thank you. Have a pleasant afternoon.

He's bending it Stateside...

I haven't heard much from Fandango in awhile, so maybe a little soccer news will bring him out of hiding.

Looks like Major League Soccer is going to get a major boost in its star appeal with the signing of David Beckham to the L.A. Galaxy. I'm not exactly sure how exciting his play will actually be, considering he's been benched most of the season on his current team, Real Madrid, but I'm sure his presence will put some extra people in the seats. I mean, c'mon--not even Pele or Maradona had a movie named after them.

Oddly, I've never really followed MLS, but I feel intrigued enough to consider buying a couple of tickets to some Galaxy games. Damn, the marketing is working already!

This Sums Me Up

Swany will give you the lowdown, and I’ll give you my sum up. Although I confess to drooling over Mac desktops at the local Apple store while Christmas shopping for IPod accessories for Tellulah's IPod, which she uses like an emphysema patient uses those air tanks they wheel around with them, constantly and needfully, I do not plan on buying said Mac desktops until there is a more open gaming market for them, which will likely not happen now that Windows Vistas is being released aimed directly at PC Gamers and engineered almost in its entirety to make pc gaming better and faster and brighter and cooler, and advertising for the new OS centered around the updated gaming application up to and including Windows Vistas PC Gaming Kiosks along the line of the Xbox 360 demo stations coming to a store near you, but the IPhone? As Morrissey of The Smiths sang... Please, Please, Please Let Me, Let Me, Let Me Get What I Want This Time.

I ache in a vaguely naughty way to possess this holiest of grails.

I really do feel sorry, though, for the handful that purchased the Zune in an orgiastic fervor and belief in Microsoft understanding what consumers need and want in a handheld music player. Their understanding of these things, compared to Apple’s? Let’s say Microsoft is Insane Clown Posse, and we’ll say Apple is Fleetwood Mac. There is a distinct group of people who believe IPC is the end all of music, but they will eventually grow up and burn out on it, and end up listening to Fleetwood Mac when they realize that Fleetwood Mac really did have what they wanted all along but in a much more pleasant and user friendly package, and the IPC listeners will realize they were really just trying to be different and going through a phase.

But if Apple figures out how to get the gaming audience? They will truly be the lone rebel who brings down the mighty overlord, just like the '1984' inspired commercials for the Apple IIC so long ago. A prophecy fulfilled? By a company named after the fruit who was both mankinds downfall and and eviction notice from Eden? Maybe the touch screen is the easier, more seductive path that leads to the dark side. And if it is?

Apple is my dark master now.

They are tyring to get our cheese

EQUALS

A new espionage threat? Canadian coins with tiny radio frequency transmitters hidden inside. The mysterious coins were found planted on U.S. contractors with classified security clearances on at least three separate occasions between October 2005 and January 2006 as the contractors traveled through Canada.

I know the picture is of an American dollar coin, but it was the associated picture in the AP article. I am always leery of our "friends" to the north. Watch your cheese. That is the real reason for the espionage. They are trying to find weaknesses in our cheese defenses. Just look at where Canada borders. While I am sure the location of Canada is not their fault, it has given them an overwhelming appetite for our cheese. Wisconsin, New York, Vermont - Watch your Cheddars!

"I write comic books with naughty words in them"

I know that myself or Swany have mentioned the blog Pop Candy by Whitney Matheson, and I am referencing it again. She listed a link to Comic-book writer -- Brian K. Vaughan ("Y - The Last Man") MySpace page where he posted advise about how to break into comics. I know that there are some great ideas in us all, and some that Scooty and Wander have been working on for years. Anyway, I found the advice solid and refreshing. He also provides a link that lists every small to midlevel publisher out there that accepts unsolicited submissions, even if there's no artist attached to the project: http://comiccreatorservices.blogspot.com/.

Brian is also going to be writing for Lost in the future.

A historic achievement...

With all the bad news happening in my own life, I thought I'd talk about the new Apple iPhone to get my mind off things.

This truly does appear to be revolutionary. As Steve Jobs stated in his Macworld keynote address, many companies such as Palm, RIM Blackberry, and Nokia have tried to come up with the ultimate smartphone, but have yet to blend all the ingredients together into the perfect device. As feature packed as my Blackberry Pearl is, it still doesn't play music/video all that easily, the browser is limited and somewhat slow, and it takes a bit of learning curve to figure out how to navigate through the whole thing.

Time magazine has a feature about the development of the iPhone that started almost three years ago as an experiment into tablet PCs. It's a testament to Steve Jobs' intuition that he saw the emerging product could be so much more by essentially packing a minicomputer into a phone.

Some of the truly unique features of the iPhone that made me want to get up and applaud:

• The touchscreen interface: This maybe the first step into consumer interfaces like you'd see in movies like Minority Report. The iPhone only requires the use of any of your 10 fingers, and allows intuitive gestures of pinching or spreading two fingers to zoom in or out. They even came up with a new screen material so your greasy mitts don't dirty it up too much. When you think about it, Apple really has been behind some of the most revolutionary interfaces in recent history. The mouse and the first Macintosh, touchscreens using styluses with their short-lived Newton, the scroll wheel of the iPod...it's amazing that other companies with endless buckets of cash like Microsoft have never come up with similar ideas. Unlike them, Apple always seems to start with the interface on their devices, and makes the technological features run from there. Seems to be a great development model.
  
• OS X: A full featured operating system within a handheld device? I'm still trying to figure out how they fit that in this thing. Unlike other smartphones, the iPhone's inclusion of OS X allows it to run native applications and internet browsers. Who needs a tablet PC when you've got this? It even allows for the use of Cover Flow in iTunes on the device.
  
• Accelerometer and proximity sensor: Apple somehow incorporated an accelerometer into the phone which detects whether you've got it propped upright or sideways, and automatically adjusts pictures to display in portrait or landscape mode. And once you actually get a call, a sensor detects when it's close to your ear and turns off the screen both to save batteries and to make sure you don't inadvertently touch a virtual button with your face. Just another two examples of features that probably no one ever thought of, but makes life all that much easier.
• Virtual voice mail: Apple has earned some major respect, so much so that Cingular partnered up with them sight unseen, and allowed them to configure a new way to look at voice mail. Instead of having to listen to all of your messages in sequential order, you can now see what messages you have, and pick the ones you want to listen to individually. The way Apple was able to get Cingular to cater to their needs rather than the other way around may change the entire relationship between cell phone makers and service providers forever.
  
• Overall design: As typical of any Apple device, the iPhone is minimalistic and pretty. I've yet to understand why no other company seems to get this. Apple always pays attention to even the most minute details.
  

My only gripes:

• Their partnership with Cingular is a bit limited by the fact that they rely on an EDGE network for data transmission, which is far inferior in speed compared to the 3G networks of Verizon and Sprint. And considering the pace that new iPods seem to come out at, having to lock into a 2 year contract seems to put you at risk of being behind the curve when updates get released.
  
• 4GB and 8 GB are OK for music, but it doesn't look like the introductory models will carry enough storage to have a lot of TV shows or movies stored on them. That said, flash memory continues to grow by leaps and bounds, so its conceivable that a 30 GB+ models will some out in the future.
  

When you watch Steve Jobs run through a demo of this thing, it looks like the most easy and intuitive device I've ever seen. Every year, when a new smartphone or PDA comes out, I pull out my wish list for the ultimate handheld device and find the latest gadgets still lacking. This may be the first time I can't say that. I truly am giddy just thinking about the iPhone and can't wait to see one in the flesh when it's released in June.

Wow! I haven't thought about my personal woes for the entire time I was writing this. I love my blog.

Short People Got No Reason

One of my earliest memories, and most vivid, is seeing Mr. Randy Newman perform 'Short People' on Saturday Night Live in 1978. It was my parents favorite tv show, and really the only thing besides sports my Dad would watch so I always stayed up with them to watch too. I must have gone crazy for the song because my Mother bought me the lp the song is on, 'Little Criminals'. It and the Star Wars soundtrack didn't leave my record player in my room for years after that, and I firmly believe it was exposure to that album that spurned the pure passion for music I have today. No doubt, it helped create my near fetishist love of keyboards and pianos. I still love Randy today, and have an Ipod full of his music. He has always been in my top 5 list of people I want to see perform live. And last night, that dream came true. It was just Randy, his piano, a nearly 40 year long song archive for him to choose from, and Tellulah and I about 12 feet away. It was not only one of the best concerts I've ever seen, but I'll list it as the funniest. The man is known for his sense of humour, and he fills the spaces inbetween songs with stories and anecdotes about his career and life. It was great. My favorite thing he talked about; how upset he was that a beautiful ballad he wrote for Toy Story was never used when Pixar decided to cut the love scene between Buzz and Woody. Hilarious! And besides, how can I not like the man who co-wrote 'Three Amigos' and was the voice of the Singing Bush!

Even better than a Kraft Easy Mac...

As a kid, probably a quarter of my diet was made up of ramen noodles. My mother would buy a huge box from the Asian market that would have dozens and dozens of ramen bricks available to make an easy meal that even a little 10 year old could cook up. And even when I was too lazy to boil up some water, they often were pretty tasty just eating them dry. Ramen was perhaps the only thing that my dad ever figured out how to prepare in the kitchen. In fact, I think he subsisted on ramen noodles mixed up with an egg for almost a month straight when my mother left to go visit her family. Now as an adult, my own cupboards are still filled with bricks, and are still the go-to food when hunger's got me in a corner.

So it was sad to read that the inventor of the modern ramen noodle, Momofuku Ando, died last Friday. Truly a great loss to the world and modern civilization as we know it.

Man, I should really be working, but this is SO exciting...

Sometimes I wonder if Bill Gates left his post at Microsoft not because he wanted to help save the world from poverty, hunger, and disease, but more to hide the fact that Steve Jobs was kicking his ass in the innovation department. I'm currently following live coverage of MacWorld 2007 where Steve Jobs just announced the iPhone during his keynote address. I'm pretty flabbergasted by what's packed into this little thing so far, and I'm sure I'll be posting more details about this breakthrough device soon. iPod, mobile phone, and internet browser in one with a full touchscreen that uses finger touches and gestures rather than a stylus. They even fit Bluetooth AND wi-fi into one small little package. This is like everything I dreamed about having in a device ever since I bought my first PDA from the now defunct Handspring company nine years ago. Makes me regret committing to a two year contract for my most recent Blackberry Pearl. Ugh.

To think Microsoft had such high hopes for the Zune. This thing makes the Zune look about as technologically behind the curve as my old Sony Walkman that played tapes. I think they should stick to software.



Update: HOLY COW!! The iPhone and demonstrations of all its features are now up on the Apple website. Hope everyone bought some Apple stock prior to this.

That was uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits...

I'm forgetting the football movie where the quarterback is running around in the backfield for dear life as he wimpers to the referee "Blow the whistle! Blow the whistle!", but Troy Smith kind of looked like that during the entire BCS Championship Game tonight. Talk about a dominating defense--I think the Gators literally ate the Buckeyes for dinner. OSU only managed 74 yards of TOTAL offense?!! It's been a long time since I've seen a team get schooled like that. This was even uglier than those blowout romps you typically see at the beginning of the year when some powerhouse team gets matched up against some lowly Division II school.

I think the entire city of Columbus is in danger of being set on fire.

[Note: I found the country slang in the title doing a quick Google search.]

I was nothing until the day I graduated from the Handsome Boy Modeling School.

So I was looking for O Fortuna, Imperatix from Carmina Burana and for some inexplicable reason Yahoo! music presented a song called If it wasn't for you, from a band named Handsome Boy Modeling School. Of course the band name had me rolling, so I gave the song a chance. After listening to it four or five times in a row, I downloaded the whole album, White People, which is pretty damn good. This is the kind of hip-hop that I like, something not afraid to experiment with the music and has subject matter other than drive-bys and big booty bitches. That and it has vocal cameos by Father Guido Sarducci and Tim Meadows doing the Ladies Man, Leon Phelps. What's not to like about that?

Check it out, I'm betting that most of you will like it.

Isnt' CGI technology wonderful?

I've been pretty 'eh' on the whole Fantastic Four movie franchise, although Michael Chiklis is a good Thing. I just caught this trailer for the next movie. This looks sweeeeet.



Yep, Silver Surfer. The best thing to ever come out of the Fantastic Four.

Can the voters call a mulligan on their Pro Bowl selections?

Just when it seemed like the glory days might be slowly creeping back to Big D, the Cowboys perfect their skills as choke artists, losing in a complete shocker to the Seattle Seahawks by a point.

I had been reserving my judgement on Tony Romo, but after tonight, I will now adopt the most un-PC name for him--Tony Homo. In fact, a blog of this title written by benched quarterback Drew Bledsoe already exists (and is quite funny).

Disclaimer: My apologies to the gay and lesbian community for grouping Tony Homo in with you all by using the term "homo" in such a derogatory manner. But let's face it--today, Romo really is a Homo.